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Author: stevenjklein Big funky green star, 20000 posts Feste Award Nominee! Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: of 42455  
Subject: Re: What not to say.... Date: 9/27/2012 3:17 PM
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. (I've had four miscarriages, and I'm 44. We're done!)

Soooooo, I shared our news with someone,…

After our first successful pregnancy, followed by 2 miscarriages (including 1 at 19 weeks), we decided not to tell anyone. (Of course eventually it becomes obvious, but before that point, the only one I told was my father, and he was literally on his deathbed at the time.)

It turns out we had triplets a month before my wife's 42nd birthday. Nobody said anything terribly inappropriate, but some people did ask how they were conceived. My standard answer was to look shocked and say (in an shocked tone), "I beg your pardon!"

The polite folks would take the hint, and apologize for asking. For the others, I would simply explain that I considered the question to be poor manners. And if they still persisted, I simply walked away.

I learned the "I beg your pardon!" trick from miss manners, who has written that the best way to respond to offensive questions or statements is to act offended, but in a way that allows an unintentional offender to apologize.
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