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Author: agentpreppie Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: of 9821  
Subject: 10 reasons Burns should win Date: 3/16/2003 10:36 PM
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His love of Democracy

This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you.

His dedication to getting the job done right

Listen, Spielbergo, Schindler and I are like peas in a pod: we're both factory owners, we both made shells for the Nazis, but mine worked, dammit! Now go out there and win me that festival!

His faith

I'll keep it short and sweet. Family, religion, friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. When opportunity knocks, you don't want to be driving to a maternity hospital or sitting in some phony-baloney church. Or synagogue.

His flair for the dramatic

No, not while my greatest nemesis still provides our customers with free light, heat and energy. I call this enemy...the sun.

Dedication to safety

Smithers: Well, sir, where should we dump <this> batch [of nuclear waste]? Playground?
Burns: No. All those bald children are arousing suspicion


His ability to control crowds

Ahoy-hoy, lowly mortals. In addition to working for me, you may now praise me as your almighty!

His charitable giving

You know, Smithers, I think I'll donate a million dollars to the local orphanage...when pigs fly!

His considerate customer service

I should be able to run over as many kids as I want!

His willingness to get the best

Burns: Get me Steven Spielberg!
Smithers: He's unavailable.
Burns: Then get me his non-union Mexican equivalent


His honesty

Oh, I'm afraid I've had one of my trademark changes of heart. You see, teamwork will only take you so far. Then, the truly evolved person makes that extra grab for personal glory. Now, I must discard my teammates, much like the boxer must shed roll after roll of sweaty, useless, disgusting flab before he can win the title. Ta!
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