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The 10 Most Recent Messages By it409

Take me back to where I was.
  • Date: 10/9/15 6:19 AM
  • Number: 171788
  • Recommendations: 2
Police: "You were going too fast."

Me: "I was trying to keep up with the traffic."

Police:" There isn't any."

Me:" I know! That's how far behind I am."
  • Date: 10/8/15 5:04 PM
  • Number: 171786
  • Recommendations: 5
This morning I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my husband would be pleasant and say, 'Happy Birthday,' and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, he barely said good morning, let alone 'Happy Birthday.

  • Date: 10/8/15 4:45 PM
  • Number: 171784
  • Recommendations: 3
"How many women did you have oral sex with last night, Caesar?"
"Et TU, Brutus."


Another name for pickled bread
  • Date: 10/8/15 5:22 AM
  • Number: 171776
  • Recommendations: 4
Two little kids are in hospital beds next to each other.
The first kid leans over and asks, ?What are you in here for??
The second kid says, ?I?m in here to get my tonsils out and I'?m a little nervous.?
The first kid says, ?You?'ve
  • Date: 10/8/15 5:10 AM
  • Number: 171775
  • Recommendations: 0
A guy is sitting in a bar; absolutely drooling at a pretty young thing in her short, pink mini-dress.
Using the time-honoured icebreaker, he sends her a drink.
"How lucky am I," he thinks, as she gets up to come sit next to him.
  • Date: 10/5/15 6:55 PM
  • Number: 171766
  • Recommendations: 13
I hope they never find life on any other planet.
Because sure as hell our government will start sending them money!
  • Date: 10/5/15 8:21 AM
  • Number: 171760
  • Recommendations: 1
I knew his head had to be somewhere!
  • Date: 10/4/15 8:47 PM
  • Number: 171758
  • Recommendations: 2
Joe had asked Bob to help him out with his new deck after work,
so Bob just went straight over to Joe's place.

When they got to the door, Joe went straight to his wife, gave her a hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he
  • Date: 10/4/15 8:36 PM
  • Number: 171757
  • Recommendations: 7
A teenaged boy with spiked hair, nose ring, and baggy clothes says to
his friend,"I don't really like to dress like this, but it keeps my
parents from dragging me everywhere with them."
  • Date: 10/4/15 3:35 PM
  • Number: 171754
  • Recommendations: 4
A pretty face gets old.....A nice body will change.....
But a good woman will always be a good woman.
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Take me back to where I was.
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