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|Subject: The British Invasion FAQ - V1R1R79||Date: 2/7/2001 6:30 PM|
|Author: codefusion||Number: 45737 of 554606|
The British Invasion FAQ Version 1 Release 1 Revision 79 (bisfaq01-01-79)
Q. Will this FAQ answer all my questions?
A. There is no way that this FAQ will answer all your questions; if it did, there would be no need for a revision of the FAQ in the future, nor would you have to stick around and read the board! It is designed to answer only frequently asked questions (hence the title), and some infrequently asked ones that people came up with good answers for (Funnily Answered Questions).
Q. Does this FAQ replace an earlier one?
Q. What is the purpose of the British Invasion board?
A. The original purpose of the British Invasion board is lost in the mists of time, though if you read the first 1000 posts, you'll get a clue. Posts such as this one, from the ever generous MizBlue, led to a rethinking of the original flawed strategy:
Nowadays the board exists mainly to foster greater understanding between all the posters here, whether British, American, German, French Samoan or whatever. Oh, and we like to have a laugh too.
Q. So, do you still do any invading these days?
A. No, not really. We do still have victories though; one of the greatest strategies has gone down in BI history as the Meringue Manoeuvres. Under the direction of Eslington, inferior Lemon Meringue Pies were purchased at a bargain rate (with the aid of Moneypenny's contacts) and utilized as missiles. The enemy was SPLATTered in every corner and by ambush, creating such disgust, that they backed off in defeat. There was no residual waste; it went down in history as being "for the birds."
For information, the last known invasion rules can be found here: http://boards.fool.com/Message.asp?mid=13770456
Q. Can Fools of other nationalities post here?
A. But of course!!! As long as you are British.
Okay, you don't have to be British, but even if you're not, go ahead and let people think you might be--just to watch the fun and confusion! Or don't, we welcome (nearly) all posters here.
Q. What subjects can be posted here?
A. Anything and everything, in either order.
Q. What are the 3 Rs?
A. The 3 Rs are: Read, Rec (recommend), and Reply. The term was coined shortly after the strategy was first devised.
Q. But what does Read, Rec, and Reply mean?
A. Many posters here believe that you should read each post, recommend each post, and then reply to each post. This has been found to be a successful strategy.
Q. What was the 7th April Campaign?
A. This was the greatest bluff since 1939, when a bunch of British football fans stood behind a robust French wall and chanted “Come on over here if you think you're hard enough!” Strangely though, this time it worked, Sapper iccy first congratulated America
and then almost single-handedly took her to pieces. He posted “War and Peace” in it's entirety, and was later decorated (really!) for posting above and beyond the call of duty.
Calls home for reinforcements were made: http://boards.fool.co.uk/Message.asp?mid=6044074
Sadly the least said about the response the better! That post explained the aim; the result was a total victory gained by a handful of Brits with their Empire loyalists, standing behind iccy's stout wall of “War and Peace”. Colonel Lawrence remained holed up with Britney Spears in St. Tropez for much of the day, protecting the Squadron's most secret weapon, it was this action that gave the operation it's code name, STD (St. Tropez Day), we went topless and trounced our beloved cousins as the days posts testify!
Sapper iccy also plays the saxophone, which has driven away many foes and has proven quite effective for guard duty, he is currently appearing in pantomime at the Bradford Alhambra as Buttons the saxophonist (Tickets available on the door).
Q. Did Sapper iccy actually read “War and Peace”?
A. Yes, twice, and probably again soon (according to the man himself).
Q. Was that bit about him appearing in pantomime true?
A. Of course not!
Q. What is the Hearts and Minds Campaign?
A. The Hearts & Minds Campaign is the steadfast posting to the BIS Board at TMF, without maliciousness or hate, and always in good humour. It is our belief that no matter what your race, creed, colour, religion, planetary system, the number of your stars, the colour of your stars, or your spelling ability, your post strengthens the board. We are led by the motto and attitude of our Three Musketeers & D'artagnan "All for One and One for All."
Q. Who are the Three Musketeers & D'artagnan?
A. D'artagnan is iccy
Athos is Ezlington
Porthos is ColonelLawrence
Arimis is codefusion
Q. Who are the leaders of the British Invasion Squadron?
A. From the top down:
HRHh WorldRecordGuy™, The Bloody King of England.
Field Marshal Lord mhowel.
Commanding Officer Colonel Lawrence.
Q. How did WorldRecordGuy™, an American, become The Bloody King of England?
A. With this rather ballsy move while we were away invading. We ignored him, and he not only hasn't gone away since, he now claims to be the Queen as well.
Q. What or who is HRHh, and what does it stand for?
A. Sorry, but the virtual monarchy of BI is retarded. http://boards.fool.com/Message.asp?mid=12433121
Q. What has Field Marshal Lord mhowel done to rise so high?
A. He led the troops through the bloodiest, grittiest trench battles. With the promise of a pint for every member, the Invaders fearlessly followed him into battle. Probably no other leader inspired such loyalty to Queen, country, and the local pub.
Q. And what about Colonel Lawrence? Tell me about him.
A. Colonel Lawrence is stationed in Arabia. Incensed with injustice in the harems, he has been engaged in relations of great delicacy via direct orders from the Prince. The popular expression, "I'll walk a mile for a Camel" is attributed to him. Considered a knowledgeable and wise man, when he returns to headquarters he generously bears gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. (Does anyone have any recipes for myrrh?)
Q. Being so far from home, lonely, and in unfamiliar surroundings, how do the troops manage to stay out of trouble?
A. Emma holds the Invaders' balls. This takes off some of the pressure.
Q. What are the BIS balls?
A. The balls are generally held for a week to give all troopers a chance to join in the festivities. Even though the board may be slow on a given day, take a few minutes to enjoy the decorations, food & music. Someone is always virtually around to take a spin around the dance floor, or walk about the grounds for relaxation from the festivities. So please post new, reply to any post, and feel a part of our balls.
This lyric was the inspiration for the balls:
Q. When is the next BI ball?
A. You can find a full schedule for the 2001 balls here:
Q. Should I PP a post?
A. Generally no. Everything on BI should stay in order to maximise the post count and help get the board into the “Best Of” list each day, unless it's so totally offensive that brown stuff starts oozing from your ears and your eyes light up “TILT” at the mere sight of it. If these things happen, you are an android made out of pinball table spares and should really have better things to do with your time. If you aren't an android or have registered as one in your profile (which is good), you should simply read, rec, and reply, or start a new thread. And don't PP your own post if you've written something stupid, that's just the sort of post we like.
Q. What is a doppel?
A. A backward leppod. Ok, more seriously, a shadow of one's self, a doppelganger. Look at this for a 'How to' guide:
Q. What is iccy's name this week?
A. SapperIccy1776, no wait, SuperIccy, no, wait, IccyPop... For heaven's sake, will someone please take the pen and the roll of name tags away from iccy for just 5 minutes????
Q. Which Invader suffered the greatest injury?
A. That would have to be Eslington, after his first foolicide (see “What is foolicide?”). He morphed into special operative HeadLice, suffered great head trauma, and became preoccupied about his mates and reproduction of his species. Thoroughly disliked as he tried to get ahead, he was often declared a big itch by those who wanted to scratch him off. His sole successor, a Louse, was overcome by loneliness and rejection when consigned to an armed pit. Just when it appeared he was going down the drain, he morphed again. He's now an S.S. man. (Stress-Syndrome)
Q. What is foolicide?
A. Well, more to the point what was it? As foolicide is now history! Long ago and far away when you changed your user name all things changed! All was lost; stars, faves, recs, post counts, portfolios, everything! It was as if you had opened a new account when you changed your user name. As a protest at an arbitrary limit of only being permitted 100 favourite Fools Eslington changed names on 999 posts and gave up his red star.
The act of public immolation brought notoriety to the BI board and resulted in TMF actually taking notice of the Improve the Fool board. All too often good points were raised both here and in the UK on the respective Improve the Fool boards and no feedback or changes were forthcoming. Because of the attention the sacrifice of a red star gained there seemed to be a sea change in the attitude of TMF. A subsequent upgrade (initially disastrous) restored all the lost posts to Eslington (and others who had changed their name), though all favourite Fools were lost. There was a bonus to the faithful, those who had re-faved the fully reciprocating lover HeadLice (Eslington's new and irritating user name) now had 2 loves from the one individual This lasted until HeadLice again committed foolicide on 1998 posts and became HeadLouse. A subsequent upgrade deleted multiple faves.
Foolicide was a British Invasion invention and it initiated a more responsive attitude from our beloved TMF techies.
Q. Do I need a rank?
A. Only on Tuesdays after tiffin. Okay, the serious answer is that you don't need a rank to post on the BI board, and not everyone does, but the regulars of the British Invasion Squadron (BIS) all have them, except Ezlington. You can get a rank by turning up and claiming to be that rank. Either everyone believes you or they don't. Simple, eh? Otherwise ranking is best done in the privacy of your own home with the curtains drawn. Sorry, that's something else…
Q. What is a covert op?
A. 'Cover top' with the space in the wrong place. Okay, okay, it is something done in secret, and therefore we can't tell you anything else about it. Sorry.
Q. Which Invader is considered the most valuable covert operator?
A. We don't believe we can name just one. The BIS unit has the best in the world. One of the most valuable operatives was cavebat, known for her stealth flights and superb radar control. When asked how she was doing, she invariably replied, "Hanging in there." One time she was discovered upright; it was later found that she was practicing yoga.
Q. Are there any dress regulations?
A. No real dress regulations to speak of. Ladies should show as much cleavage as possible and a good amount of leg. Female attire should be generally decorous, a tad tight and as short as modesty allows (a bit like FM Lord mhowell) except on ball nights when appropriate dress is required. There will be regular inspection of dress and particulars will be taken down. Any gentlemen caught wearing dresses will be conscripted to serve as a Conservative Member Of Parliament. There are costumes in the cupboard used for the balls, but you don't have to wear anything if that's your preference. Please be advised, however, that the Seven-Veil costume is for the exclusive use of Sapper iccy. Also, Titanya was last seen in the French maid's outfit with torn fishnet stockings. Big Bertha was looking for another just like it but couldn't find one large enough.
Q. Who is responsible for the Squadron's supplies?
A. Moneypenny. Ever budget-wise, she can pound a pound. When food supplies are low, she skillfully persuades MmmDonuts to share. Aide to the office of the General, she also writes memos and sends out invitations when Emma holds balls.
Q. Where does the BI get its funding?
A. UKBankerBoy contacts online banks via post. Anxious to send him on his way, the bankers provide the loans for which he begs (see “What is a moneyclip?”).
Q. What is a moneyclip?
A. For most of us, it's an empty piece of metal, for UKBB it's something different. The money clip is the weapon of choice for a banker. It is used mostly to annoy codey.
but has also been used to repel invaders.
and worked quite well too!
It also makes a dandy shield.
And UKBB always keeps plenty of decoys handy.
The money clip isn't used too much anymore in following with iccy's Hearts and Minds Campaign. But UKBB keeps it ready and close by.
References: How to Use a Money Clip as a Weapon by Swift Toss. ISBN #13112671
Q. Who is the youngest member of the Squadron?
A: Baby Sammy -- who was almost born on the board. The Squadron followed Daddy snr to the hospital where he helped bring his son into the world. There was a great camp celebration afterwards, and one month later the boy was on post duty.
Q. Who was the most unique operative?
A. TheBlindSquirrel. Because he couldn't see, the enemy believed him quite harmless. His acute hearing enabled him to learn their deepest military secrets. This compensated for his inability to find his way back to headquarters in less than three days.
Q. Does General codefusion employ a decoder?
A. Yes. codey, as the code smith is affectionately known, has no equal. No matter how cryptic a message or post, he can accurately decode it. He's also extremely competent in translation and interpretation, particularly statements made by females. His encryption skills are also legendary. One night, with the aid of a code in his node, he sat in a crypt and sent a message, which to this day remains a mystery (even to himself).
Q. Which other boards are friendly?
A. BI has a chummy rivalry w