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Subject:  Re: OT: single parent dilemma Date:  4/17/2002  5:35 PM
Author:  chainsaw10 Number:  123022 of 312189

I guess I grew up in a similar situation as your kid. My mom and dad weren't together(his name was on the birth certificate, though.) She did the best she could to keep him in the loop, and every once in a while mom would call him while I was at school and threaten him to call me or I'd see him, but for the most part he just flaked. So I grew up with the whole "Gee, I must not be that great, 'cuz my own dad doesn't even want to see me" thing going around my head. That's pretty much the fastest way to give a girl self-esteem issues. As I grew older, I realized my dad was just a sad person who could not deal with any type of responsibility and I got over it. But I must admit I shed no end of tears over it as a child and a young woman. If I could make that choice for my mother, I would have left the situation alone--let him fade out. Having a fantasy version of the perfect father would have served me better than the reality. However, that situation is only best if the kid's father is as patently useless as mine. If he's just trying to get himself together, your child might benefit from having him around. Just think of the damage to your kid to know that dad isn't quite as interested in them as he could be.

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