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Subject:  Re: OT: single parent dilemma Date:  4/17/2002  11:51 PM
Author:  ishtarastarte Number:  123067 of 312149

- You want to make sure he never comes to you claiming that you're 'keeping him away' from his daughter. To do this, do not send him any pictures or updates; do not keep reaching out to him, wait for him to make "First Contact" (remember Star Trek?). When he actually makes contact with you (by phone, mail, or in person), say "hello, here is your XX-years-old daughter, Chandra. Chandra, this is your biological father, Da D. Bum." Or words to that effect. Surprise him with a disarming sense of bare fact. He is the father of your child. He is now expressing an interest to see/meet/know your daughter. Give him an opportunity (supervised, most probably). Go from there.

I've moved frequently, and think I should at least let him know where we are living so he CAN make contact, if he wishes. That's sort of the reason for the pics/address update.

I don't think he's as bitter and mean as the example you gave, I think it's more "out of sight, out of mind." He can be very sweet, and I don't harbor much resentment (except when he said he'd help and didn't.) I think he'd be thrilled if Chandra showed up when she's a teen. I think one day he'll regret how he's acted. I know at one point, he was in a serious relationship with a girl that didn't ever want children. He called me several times during that period (Chandra was only two then, couldn't really talk to him) wanting updates. Thing is, if it takes more effort than a phone call, he just never gets around to it. I really think it's mostly a maturity issue.

I don't know; I'll think about it.

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