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Subject:  Fun With Telemarketers Date:  10/1/2002  3:59 PM
Author:  JohnAndLori Number:  48025 of 86668

In the past year, telemarketers have become a bigger nuisance in my life than ever before. At first I would just hang up on them. The calls kept coming. Then I started to ask to be taken off their calling lists. The calls kept coming. I got angrier and angrier but...The calls kept coming.

I realized, hey, why not toy with these inconsiderate bastards the way they toy with me? Since they have an incentive to trudge through the call to the end, they stay on the line MUCH longer and take MUCH more abuse than you'd normally expect. I've turned telemarketing calls into prank calls where the "mark" calls me!

Here are a few strategies I've come up with. Some I've tried already, and others I am itching to try in the near future.

Deaf Guy:
Make the operator repeat everything twice by shouting into the phone "EXCUSE ME? I CAN BARELY HEAR YOU!" every 15 seconds or so. Being sure to interrupt since it adds to the realism. The operator will gradually raise her voice until she is screaming too. Once she reaches maximum volume, say in a calm, cool voice, "There is no reason to shout at me."

Silent Guy:
This is almost the opposite of Deaf Guy. Try to speak as little as possible...and when you do, whisper with only a "yes" or "no" answer. The object is to allow the operator to go as long as possible without you saying a word. Eventually, there will be a moment where the operator will think you may have hung up the phone. "Hello, are you there?" Don't answer immediately. "Hello?...Heeeellllooo?" The longer you can drag out the uncomfortable silence, the better. Just before they are about to disconnect, whisper, "yes, I'm her