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Subject:  Re: Difficulties with Intercourse Date:  8/1/2003  1:49 PM
Author:  mrsDJB Number:  891 of 2283


It must have been hard for you to share all that. It seems like a lot to deal with.

You mentioned DH had one other partner - have you had other partner(s) than DH? If so, were you able to complete the act with them? It sounds to me like you did NOT have other partner(s) before DH and it makes me wonder if you have asked your OB-GYN about your discomfort. I remember reading once of a woman who needed to stretch herself with a series of small, graduated weights - so clearly you are not alone in experiencing this and even better, there is medical assistance available. If you are as much like me as you seem, you'd probably rather not talk about it with your doc. There is a medical term for a cramping down of those muscles such that penetration would be close to impossible.

Anyway, is there any chance of just grabbing a spontaneous moment and going for it? Do you think it has become such a cerebral thing that the physical aspect is sort of like a second thought? I don't drink either, but there are times when I feel happy and carefree and untethered to my earthly concerns - usually after a fun, relaxing day doing something we both enjoy. Intimate moments after a great day are, well, great!

I think at this point you should work on yourself and view this as a spasmed muscle issue as opposed to anything deeply emotional, sexual, etc. Treat yourself as if you have a physical problem. You wouldn't get all wigged out over a cramp in your calf - but you would still have trouble walking so you would figure out ways to release the spasm, relax the muscle, stretch out, etc. Treat this the same way - "I want to use that body part, but it gives me pain, let me figure out how to make the pain stop." - Are you able to endure a pelvic exam? Have you ever?

I feel confident that once you find sex pleasurable your DH will be more comfortable with the whole thing. I am not entirely clear what you mean by overstimulated, but if that continues, maybe your doc could prescribe tiny doses of something like Xanax or whatever to help you relax enough without losing the "window of opportunity" as it is.

Good luck!!
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