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Subject:  Re: Difficulties with Intercourse Date:  8/1/2003  5:41 PM
Author:  bookgrrl Number:  898 of 2283

Hey Megan, have you ever tried a habituation / desensitization program? Therapists use such programs for people experiencing phobias, panic attacks, or generalized anxiety. The basic idea is that - in collaboration with a cognitive-behavioral therapist and a gynecologist - you would practice inserting progressively larger weights into your vagina while practicing relaxation / breathing techniques (you'd be alone while doing this, obviously - the treatment team wouldn't be there watching or anything :-0 ). You would stop the exercise at the first sign of anxiety and muscle tension, relax your muscles by deep breathing &c., then begin again. Coordination between you and DH might be easier if you achieved progressive muscle relaxation.

This type of program would also work for your husband. Many people acclimate themselves away from / toward certain types of sexual stimulation via habituation. For example, your husband might begin such a program by interrupting intercourse at the moment before orgasm, and then masturbating to orgasm. He would progressively interrupt intercourse earlier and earlier, until he could masturbate to orgasm from a "cold start," so to speak. That would facilitate any medical intervention you two might want to have.

If you feel comfortable, you might want to check out a sex therapy program near you (preferably at a major medical center or teaching hospital). Their staff can offer you so many different behavioral techniques, you're sure to find one that's reasonably comfortable for you and DH to try. Integrating their therapies with your fertility goals sounds like a wonderful way to get more intimacy time and a little one in the house!

So glad you've joined us here,
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