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Family Life / Choosing not to Have Kids
|Subject: Re: a cautionary tale - :)||Date: 6/8/2004 12:08 AM|
|Author: pixiecakes||Number: 23505 of 35761|
Pixie, I simply meant there are trade-offs
Of course there are trade offs! Every single decision you make leaves countless alternatives not taken. So? It's not the end of the world that I decided to have an omelet for dinner instead of salmon or chicken.
What I found so totally offensive about that article was its tone that a woman has a "use by" date, after which she's just some pitiable loser, at the mercy of horny divorced men that are only going to take advantage of her until some ripe young peach comes along to take him away. That once she reaches her 30s or 40s she will realize how shallow and useless the career she thought she wanted actually was, and she will spend the rest of her life as a pathetic, clingy creature, driving men away with her desperate need, regretting the "possibles" she threw away in the rashness of youth. That the only true happiness comes with Children! A cottage with a Garden! And a Husband! (Even if he's no great shakes--at least you're married! Better than nothin', eh?)
I find it so amazingly offensive that there are still people out there selling the idea that women are going to regret it later if they don't have a family. I'm fairly certain that most (not all--most) women who really want children know it before their clock starts ticking and make their decisions accordingly. They may not all be lucky enough to actually find a guy, but if they act as desperate as the women described in that article they're driving them away. It's that pitiful behavior that kept them from having families, not their careers. I know I wouldn't want to get involved with them.
I'm lucky that I did find a man to spend my life with. But if anything should happen to him, I doubt that I'm going to go hunting up a new hubby just so I'm not alone. I've always felt it takes a mighty good man to be better than no man at all and I know I'll feel a lot better alone than I would be stuck with any old guy just to have a husband.
I've got my roots, I've got my DH, I've got my friends, and I don't feel that I've been betrayed because my mother didn't "warn" me that I'll be a lonely, shriveled old raisin in my childless old age. I think that selling people a bill of goods like that--that you will only find true happiness through other people instead of inside yourself--there's the betrayal. Teach your kids to be true to themselves and the rest of life will fall into place. If it happens that they are unlucky enough to not find a lifetime companion, at least they'll be happy with the only person they can truly count on to be there through thick and thin--themselves.
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