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Subject:  OT: Thoughts on in-laws leaving Date:  8/17/2004  3:46 PM
Author:  Lokicious Number:  10700 of 35924

Seeing as how my friends here have helped and commiserated over the problems we've had with my aged in-laws decision (?) to move, here, to a four seasons environment in a complex commmunity from a senior community in California, I'm going to indulge in sharing some thoughts now that they flew back, this morning, from whence they came, with my mother-in-law now insisting they have a strong support system there (i.e., 3 old ladies with troubles of their own), even though a lack of support system was why they moved in the first place.

It's very sad and difficult, although their departure will make our lives easier. I've been plying my father-in-law with decent beer and sausage and pizza, things his wife will never get him and he will probably never taste again, because she doesn't understand with his end stage heart failure, his arteries have been so clogged for years, a bit of good tasting pepperoni (he only eats a couple slices) isn't going to be what kills him. There's nothing for him back there—he sits in his chair reading the paper and watching TV—but at least here, he had his daughter visiting. There he will be alone. Her real reason for going back is she has her three friends with whom to gossip, and she failed to find new gossips, here. In other ways, her life there will be much harder (other than climate), since she won't have anyone bringing over dinner or helping with errands or doing all those thousands of little things that require strength, stability, and dexterity (opening cans, changing light bulbs, putting a key on a key ring). Chances are they will end up without functioning electronics, because even the simplest remote is too complicated. God knows what will happen if she gets sick or injured and even temporarily incompacitated (which happened, here, several times—she blames our weather, but she's far more likely to break a hip, there, because she thinks she can still do things she can't).

What made them a burden, especially my mother-in-law, wasn't the times they really needed help. And, it wasn't doing the light-bulb changing type stuff when we were visiting or making an extra portion of dinner. The real problem was that my mother-in-law wasn't willing to accommodate and change the ways she liked to do things, even though some of the things that are important to her, she can no longer do without help, and the help meant our time doing things we consider a waste of time. I'm sure this is typical of housewives of her generation for whom time has never had value. So, for example, she insisted my wife take her bargan shopping, although all she was saving was maybe a few dollars per excursion (usually less) and my wife's t