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Living, Coping, Improving / Soberfool


Subject:  Re: I am Date:  9/19/2005  2:06 PM
Author:  gapfan Number:  925 of 948

PV, I think I can understand some of your feelings. The AA program taught me (slowly) to live one day at a time. That is hard for an engineer like myself to learn. So much of my life had been "reflecting" and "projecting." Guilt, shame and resentments depend on memories of past events, and of course we must plan for the future. When I got to the point that when I reflected back into the past, my first memories became the "bad" times of drinking rather than the "good" times, that spoiled those thoughts that a "drink" offered any promise. Much of my drinking was "a bid for instant relief" from some emotional or physical pain, often self-imposed expectations and the resulting disappointments. When I learned to modify my behavior, I also learned I could lower that emotional discomfort, which lowered the "need" for that drink. Those habits are hard to break.

I did not want someone to tell me what to do! However, while at AA meetings I found that my "reluctance" or "resistance" was lowered as people spoke of their own experience without suggesting what I needed to do. They "tricked" me into thinking that if I did what they did, I might get similar results, namely a bit of serenity. I slowly realized that I did not have much to lose in trying some things that they did.

In attempting to help another person through sharing of my exp