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|Subject: Re: OT: Career crisis||Date: 10/16/2005 10:49 AM|
|Author: xraymd||Number: 212628 of 308519|
Dearest Roy, your post brought tears to my eyes; it was so kind and sweet. And you are so right about how skewed I've been and so unlike myself - I'm normally a sunny person and enjoy smiling and laughing with the people I work with (though as you can also surmise I do like to get down to the details to get everything done so I'm not a 100% cut-up but I enjoy being a positive force). In the past few months and especially in the past most recent few weeks since early September when my job duties changed (now I round every week in the hospital rather than every other week so that's even MORE hours on duty - and now I am no longer receiving any new patients), my attitude has turned dark and gloomy. I really have stopped smiling overall and people are being unbearably delicate with me because they are aware that I am mega-stressed.
That is no way to live in the long run. There is no relief on the horizon and I have not been able to get the powers-that-be to understand that I am getting fried here with their insistence that I do things their way. It's just not working.
The worst to me is that I have stopped to say "thank you" nearly as much as I used to when anybody really does try to do something nice for me. Our office manager took time out to write me a very lovely personal card to sympathize with me and to let me know she would try to do anything possible to help me. I should have been in her office first thing after receiving this card but I just couldn't say anything to her right away because I did not want to break down and bawl (which I would have) when I had a full afternoon of patients to see and labs and xrays to sign off and a stack of mail to go through and phone calls to return. I tried to find her at the end of the day but she was already gone and I know she is feeling unappreciated for her nice gesture as though I brushed it off. I've been considering calling her at home this weekend. If I cry, so I cry, but I don't have office duties this weekend so I don't have to keep holding it together. (Though I am on call this evening.)
Blech. This has to go one way or the other. You are SO RIGHT about that rock and thanks again for your deeply appreciated words of support.
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