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Subject:  Re: Dreams Date:  10/1/2007  3:46 PM
Author:  RainyDayWoman Number:  264 of 274

(((((Cat and CoraCora)))))

After my DH passed away, I spent a couple of years feeling a great deal of anxiety about my financial state.  I had a lot of nightmares about being a bag lady sitting on a curb somewhere with nowhere to go....

I had a decent job, but think that a lot of the anxiety was about being on my own, with nobody to share the emotional and financial burdens.  Also, all my plans for the future had been plans for the two of us, and many of them things I couldn't or wouldn't do on my own.  Not to mention that if you have two employed people live together, and one of them loses their job for some unknown reason, you still have an employed person to pay the bills.  If you are alone, you're it.  Much scarier.

My DH died quite suddenly, from a genetic thing we never knew he had until it was too late.  I find myself wondering sometimes how we might have lived and planned differently had we known.  On the other hand, he had a wonderful quality of life, and if we had known he had this medical issue, his whole life would have been different, as we would have been so much more cautious in what we did.  None of that hiking over the continental divide, for example....

It will be 14 years in December.  Unbelievable.


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