The Motley Fool Discussion Boards
Social Clubs / Everyday Ethics
|Subject: Re: A FINISHING THING||Date: 8/3/2009 6:55 PM|
|Author: ishtarastarte||Number: 3746 of 5341|
i am sorry i have personally offended you to such a degree that you
feel it is necessary to continue to denigrate me.....to make me your public whipping boy....but maybe that is just your way, and so i forgive you.
i strive to do good...i care about other people and their feelings,
i care about the human condition, about being kind, about being
generous in thought and deed, but i am not a saint...
I didn't see where she denigrated you. I see her calling you on something that seems hypocritical. If you were truely concerned with other people's welfare, you would not have carried on a 20+ year affair with a married man.
I have mentioned that I have been on all three sides of the triangle, so I'll tell you my story. My only excuse is that I was young.
I was 20. He was 30. He was a married officer (Navy). We were stationed in Italy. He was funny, charming, dynamic and we just clicked. When I first met him, I didn't know he was married. I invited him to a house-warming for my first apartment.
He showed up, with his wife. My first thought was, "oh, darn, he's married" quickly followed by, "and he likes brunettes." And I wrote him off my 'potentials' list.
Over the next several months, we found ourselves at some of the same parties & get-togethers, since overseas military communities are usually pretty small. We always had a good time talking to each other about everything under the sun. At some point, he transferred to my department. One day he needed a ride home, and I was there with a working vehicle. He had been catching rides to and from work from several people in the dept, so that wasn't a huge deal.
It became a big deal when we were half-way there and he said he didn't want to go home. We stopped an picked up some wine and went to a near-by beach. In Italy. How freaking romantic could you get? he talked, I listened.
His wife didn't get him. She trapped him into getting married by getting pregnant (at this point they had a 4 year old and a 9 month old). They'd been together 10 years and he'd never really been with anyone else, because she followed him from their hometown to his first real duty station. He had twice recently moved into a hotel, but couldn't afford it, so kept moving back in with her but was sleeping on the couch. He knew how that sounded, but he assured me, they really were seperated emotionally.
Knowing me was giving him the courage to really seriously think about leaving her. (with 2 small children, don't forget.) He was helping her pay to finish grad school so she'd be able to get by without him, and that was IT, once she was finished with grad school, he'd be gone. Would I be even half-way interested in him?
Well, duh, we're sitting on a beach in Italy sharing a bottle of wine, and I was already half-drunk as it was. Sure I was interested. We did not have sex at that point, but we did kiss.
He moved out of her house and was staying with friends of his/mine that lived down the road from me. For a few weeks, he even stayed at my place. We did not have sex until he had moved out and was starting to take steps to get divorced. That was what I clung to, to ease my guilt. He was leaving her anyway, he was not leaving her for me.
It was exciting. Not only was he married, but by this point, he was an officer in my direct line of command, which is an extreme no-no. That simply added to the excitement. He'd sneak away from the friend's house and walk the two blocks to my place and then sneak back to the friend's. He borrowed the XO's car when she was out of town, and we drove up the coast to some small town where we could walk holding hands.
I was maintaining a public casual relationship with another guy as a blind, to make people think I wasn't seeing LTJG. I was out by