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Books & Writing / Words, Words, Words
|Subject: Re: Does this sound ok||Date: 9/10/2012 2:22 PM|
|Author: sheila727||Number: 12585 of 14157|
Too far, promises too much. No one said anything about field-tested or shortest time
When I see the phrase "tried-and-tested", which is what the OP used, to me that is field-tested. How else are you going to test something out, if not in context? And when you talk about "best practice consulting and solution" that "gets you up and running within days," to me that indicates finding the best solution in the shortest time. I don't see the statement as going too far and promising too much. But.....that's me.
And in any case, I think the sentence is a lot more effective when it opens with SOFTWARE COMPANY's. The focus is immediately on SOFTWARE COMPANY instead of finally getting there after a bunch of impersonal words. It's more direct and flows better. To transpose yours, which was....
"The best consulting practices and solutions from SOFTWARE COMPANY get you up and running within days."
And now it becomes....
"SOFTWARE COMPANY's best consulting practices and solutions get you up and running within days."
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