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Subject:  An Open Letter Date:  9/20/2012  1:25 AM
Author:  RaptorD2 Number:  39284 of 44973

To My Dear, Anonymous Neighbor,

Well, quite the draught we're in, isn't it. It was so bad that the mayor actually instituted a law making it a crime to water on the wrong days, depending on one's address being even or odd.

I apologize for failing to adjust my sprinkler system on the first day. That said, I will never understand why you took it upon yourself to call the police and report the incident. Couldn't you have just come over and told us so we could make adjustments to be in compliance?

I also wonder, Did you know that the tickets and fines (the day of our 'offense') started on a Monday and was first announced on that particular Monday morning in the local paper? Did you know that approximately 40% of our city's population who get the local paper (including me) don't get a paper on Monday or Tuesday? Did you know that the fine will be from $100 to $500 for watering our lawn beginning at 1:00 am during the pre-dawn hours of the first day of the new law? Did you know that the crime was made a misdemeanor? Did you know that with a misdemeanor on my wife's record (she unfortunately was home when the police came to stops this dastardly crime I committed) will affect her job as a surgical RN? Did you know that she will not be allowed to travel to some countries, including Canada? Do you have nothing better to do than watch your neighbors sprinklers run and jot down the day and time?

Finally, did you know that I consider your anonymous gesture to be a cowardly, chicken $hit thing to do to anyone, let alone a neighbor who has done nothing to any neighbor but loan time, help, a builder's advice and every type of tool known to man to others whenever asked?

I hope your sprinkler goes off on the wrong day, or you find yourself without a drink in the desert, because I'll ... well, actually I don't know what I'll do, because I don't know who you are. So I'll probably just do what any decent neighbor would do and let you know the law and suggest changing your watering schedule, or give you water when you are dieing of thirst in the desert.

But you know very well who I am, so ... Bite me.

--Even Number & Normally Even-Tempered
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