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URL:  http://boards.fool.com/i-know-this-is-not-the-end-of-the-world-there-30273303.aspx

Subject:  Re: struggling with health issue and regret Date:  9/20/2012  11:47 AM
Author:  GardenStateFool Number:  41928 of 42361

I know this is not the end of the world. There are people who have it WAY worse than me. But they didn't bring it on themselves. How can I stop being angry at myself and start being happy with my kids again? Meanwhile I'm wasting time being sad, when my kids are only getting older, and they will only be little for such a short time.

(((((((Zuzu)))))))

You didn't bring this on yourself. You did want to have a situation corrected, and if it had worked properly, you'd have been in a different place than you are now. But that doesn't mean you were wrong to have it done.

First, you need to figure out how to mitigate your condition. Maybe wearing wraparound sunglasses/glasses in windy conditions might help? Or a hat of some sort to help block wind? (My mother suffers from exactly the same condition, by the way - tear duct surgery and now a dry eye, exacerbated by the wind).

Second, you probably need to talk to someone. When I get stressed, I get angry as well. My job provides HUGE amounts of stress, and managing to keep the anger from leaking over to my kids is not easy. Sometimes, I end up apologizing to them. A lot.

I am fortunate that I can push my job away to a certain degree or for a period of time (Phone = OFF) but your eye is something you take with you. So you may need to either talk to someone to lift some of the burden or to figure out the options available to help your condition.

Also, talking to your KIDS is not the worst thing. Over time, I have had to figure out age-appropriate ways to say to my kids:

"I'm sorry I was yelling/aggravated/short-tempered/mean/upset today. I am sad because (work stinks/whatever) and I am not acting nicely. It's not your fault and I'm sorry. Can you help me figure out how to feel happier?"

Depending on what was wrong, sometimes MY KIDS have come up with the best ways to mitigate my problems. They become my allies and we end up with all kinds of inside jokes that become shortcuts to helping me cheer up and get back on track when my stress gets out of control again. It's amazing how resilient - and imaginative - they are at helping YOU, and they feel good when they see Mommy smiling and know THEY helped "fix" that.

I know, you're the Mommy, you should be strong and protect them from all that, since it's not their fault.

They're also your family, and they love you. And they are kids, and they like to help others. They can help you.

GSF
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