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|Subject: Re: He Lost 95% of His "Friends"||Date: 10/17/2012 12:03 PM|
|Author: Frydaze1||Number: 183694 of 197371|
My husband and I are married, but we are definitely still two individual people with our own ideas, likes, and dislikes.
My uncle performed our marriage 1.5 weeks ago, and I gave him leeway to add in some paragraphs of his own into the script we'd given him. He did a brilliant job. But one of the things he said was so perfect, I wonder what he would have done if I'd let him write the whole script.
He talked about how so many ceremonies say that the two shall be made one... but that isn't really how it works. We're still two people. We still have two opinions, two personalities, etc. And the real challenge of marriage is accepting that we are - and will remain - two people, not one. And working with that. Respecting that.
He said a bunch of other great stuff, and I hope the video came out clear enough for me to listen again.
But he's right. We are two people.
Back when women were considered property, it wasn't a question. Women were expected to do what their husbands told them to. They weren't made one; the *one* existed before and continued to exist afterward. In our modern world that shouldn't happen.
DH and I will get a joint bank account for bill paying. We'll maintain separate accounts and credit cards for personal spending because I learned in my last marriage that it works well for me. (I'm a control freak, and it's important to clearly deliniate my areas of control even though DH is much better with money than xDH was.) It's not the right system for everyone, but it is for us.
We have many goals in common... but a few individual ones. And since we are not the same person, those individual goals need to be respected and nurtured by both of us.
And for heaven's sake, the stench that comes out of his hind end proves we are not one flesh!
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