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Subject:  Re: keeping the ex's name after divorce Date:  1/23/2013  1:26 PM
Author:  impolite Number:  4738 of 5351

The question of whether or not it's ethical to keep a married name is...bizarre to me. So bizarre that when I first read the question, I thought "that doesn't make sense", so I didn't answer it.

I'm still thinking about it several days later, so I came back. Obviously something is bothering me about it, if I am still pondering it.

Here's why I think the question about whether or not keeping a married name is ethical doesn't even make enough sense to ask in the first place:

1) It's the person's name. Angie #1 couldn't accuse Angie #2 of being unethical just because Angie #1 came first.

2) The person who changed their name at marriage *chose* to take that name. Why in the world wouldn't they then get to choose whether or not to keep it? There's nothing inherently unethical in the process, either direction. (I'm purposely leaving out the debate about gender expcetations, because that's a whole 'nother sticky wicket, yes?)

Now as to how the person decides to 1) originally take a new name at marriage and then 2) decides whether or not to keep the name after a divorce, I can only offer my own reasonings for both.

When I married at the tender age of 20, I took his last name becaus