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Author: MrsFourStarDave Big red star, 1000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: of 274  
Subject: Re: Going it alone... Date: 6/4/2003 1:25 AM
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Abba, a big hug to a new friend, and RDW, so nice to see a buddy here.

My darling husband died suddenly of a heart attack almost three years ago, at age 38. Although I have an amazing support group of friends, and parents and a brother (3,000 miles away but only a few keystrokes or a phone call from me when I need them) who truly care for me, I was, for the first time in 16 years, all alone in the world. I still am.

My life changed in one second and although it's a million times better now than it was in those first dark days of grief and sadness, I am still alone and in a very fundamental way, probably will be for the rest of my life.

I date, and have met some wonderful men, one I thought might be "the two" as I laughingly call him, making the obvious joke on women who are looking for "the one." The jury is still out on this little slice of heaven but whatever happens, I am grateful to have the ability to embrace love again.

My husband was the love of my life, I fell in love with him across a crowded room, at first sight, and was never out of love with him for the 16 years we were together (married for almost 12 years). I miss him holding me close, talking to me, singing to me (off key if truth be told). I miss the jokes more than anything, and feeling special and beautiful, feeling like no matter what life handed me I had a partner to face it with me.

I don't have some of the same problems mentioned by the rest of you, there was no estate or money to worry about and no house to sell, no reading of the will...we had nothing, but we had love and that was everything.

The one phrase that sums it up for me, the most likely title for the book I might even finish writing one day, is:

THIS WAS NOT THE PLAN.

I'm sure you can all identify with this. I did not sacrifice anything for my darling, I lovingly supported him so that he could pursue his art and his dream and the plan wasn't supposed to be for him to leave me alone and bereft.

Welcome to the Fool, Abba, I hope that your time here is filled with healing and good friends, with sharing and people to share the good times and the rough times.

MrsFourStarDave
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