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Author: amiablejak Big red star, 1000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: of 578  
Subject: Anniversaries Date: 7/30/2005 6:41 PM
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I just realized that the 8th anniversary of my brother's death passed this week without my realizing it. I knew it was coming up, then I was thinking about it just now and it has passed.

I'm experiencing some mixed emotions. There was a time when I couldn't get it out of my head. Now I feel a little guilty that an anniversary could pass "undetected."

Maybe I did realize it. There was a night last week, I don't recall which that I felt very emotional and cried myself to sleep. Consciously, I decided it was female hormonal and grieving over a cat that died a few months ago that I, frankly, was closer to than I was my brother. Looking back I feel a little differently. We don't know if he died on the 26th or 27th, so it's hard to pin a date or a time on the anniversary. I think I knew and didn't want to think about it.

What a shame. My family is not close. We never will be. I always hoped for a time when he and I would have gotten over all that crap and be friends.

On his birthday this year my mom sent an e-mail acknowledging him but "in the same breath" used it as a way to glean information about my grandmother's will. Needless to say, I don't share my grief with her. She doesn't respect my feelings at all.

Sad but true, I can share these feelings with faceless strangers way before I can share with family. I think I will go sit outside and just relax for awhile.

jak
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