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Author: yeilBagheera Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: of 1257  
Subject: another lesson Date: 3/14/2012 2:23 AM
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So, my quick pace was slowed today and I realized that I wanted to rest a bit in the mingled sadness and gladness. Large check came in the mail for me as part of my inheritance. Of course, I'd rather she were just a phone call away. But, accepting that once more she is taking care of me is reasonable too.

Mom died just over three months ago and I miss her.
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Author: sofaking6 Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 1248 of 1257
Subject: Re: another lesson Date: 3/14/2012 1:17 PM
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I'm sorry for your loss..I hope you're doing all right?

6

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Author: yeilBagheera Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 1249 of 1257
Subject: Re: another lesson Date: 3/15/2012 1:15 AM
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I think so. I'm still finding myself surprised feelings and decisions: it may be more obvious to other people that I'm still grieving. My skill at casual conversation has declined and it's better if I only do one thing at once.

Thanks for asking.

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Author: sofaking6 Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 1250 of 1257
Subject: Re: another lesson Date: 3/15/2012 2:32 PM
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I think so. I'm still finding myself surprised feelings and decisions: it may be more obvious to other people that I'm still grieving. My skill at casual conversation has declined and it's better if I only do one thing at once.


That makes a lot of sense. My cat died recently, and I'm lucky/weird that at 40 years old that's my first experience with actual real strong grief. I had very similar feelings, although certainly to a lesser extent.

6

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Author: yeilBagheera Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 1251 of 1257
Subject: Re: another lesson Date: 3/15/2012 11:49 PM
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Here's something that gets me through grief:

"To be in love with the material world in all its stages of imperfection and yet to feel that love does not depend upon the permanance of its images." Mary Richards Centering



While I don't pray according to how a minister admonishes me to, I do relish the peaceful feelings I get from spending time with thoughtful quotes.

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Author: bigcaat Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 1252 of 1257
Subject: Re: another lesson Date: 6/5/2012 2:31 AM
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So, my quick pace was slowed today and I realized that I wanted to rest a bit in the mingled sadness and gladness. Large check came in the mail for me as part of my inheritance. Of course, I'd rather she were just a phone call away. But, accepting that once more she is taking care of me is reasonable too.

Mom died just over three months ago and I miss her.


I'm so sorry for your loss. I understand why that would be a source of comfort. To know someone cares enough to want to make sure you are taken care of is so foreign to me.

My mom told me that she turned down part of my dad's social security so that my brother and I would get monthly checks after her passing. Only a couple of months ago, however, did she tell me that I will only receive that benefit until my brother dies (who is 7 years older than me).

If she passes before us, he will get the house he lives in (and has lived in rent free for 20 years) and I will get a $240,000 mortgage on a house she originally bought for $120,000, which is now almost underwater.

I asked her once about making arrangements for her passing and she said she wouldn't because my doing it would be my "last act of love" for her. Not that she has ever acknowledged any act of love I've ever shown her in life.

I love my mom and she's a good person, but she is just really screwed up. Her work and my brother have always been more important than I, and it always will be no matter what I do.

I dread the day she passes, certainly for the loss and grief of the good things we share, but I really worry about how angry I will be for having to clean up the train wreck I see coming my way, financially, and the anger I will most likely feel for feeling so insignificant in her life that she wouldn't want to make sure I was taken care of.

Caat

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Author: WarriorNurse Big red star, 1000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 1253 of 1257
Subject: Re: another lesson Date: 6/15/2012 6:02 PM
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<<"I dread the day she passes, certainly for the loss and grief of the good things we share, but I really worry about how angry I will be for having to clean up the train wreck I see coming my way, financially, and the anger I will most likely feel for feeling so insignificant in her life that she wouldn't want to make sure I was taken care of.">>


Caat,

I understand your feelings and your current grief--even before she dies. My mother has two (or more) different personalities (not clinically diagnosed of course, just extreme moods). Today she was nice, yesterday she was awful. Some days she is evil. We don't really have a good relationship at all---she thinks we do, but we don't. I hate to say this but I don't even know if I will truly grieve once she is gone. That's awful to say, I know it. So, I am also an evil person.

I don't think I'll have too much of a financial mess to clean up, but she is an extreme hoarder and I will have the major responsibility of cleaning up the house. I do have one sister, but she has children.....which takes up most of her time (understandably). But sometimes the stress my mother causes is just too much for me to handle.

Of course, I could be totally surprised by the finances as I know practically nothing about my parents' finances.

Jen

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Author: sofaking6 Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 1254 of 1257
Subject: Re: another lesson Date: 6/18/2012 7:45 PM
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I hate to say this but I don't even know if I will truly grieve once she is gone. That's awful to say, I know it. So, I am also an evil person

That does not make you evil. Just honest. And the truth is, you probably will grieve, if not for her then for the mother she could have been.

Hugs,
6

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Author: chk999 Big red star, 1000 posts Old School Fool CAPS All Star Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 1255 of 1257
Subject: Re: another lesson Date: 6/19/2012 2:00 PM
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I will get a $240,000 mortgage on a house she originally bought for $120,000, which is now almost underwater.

If it is underwater, you can declaim the inheritance (there is a procedure for this) and it becomes someone else's problem.

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Author: AngelMay Big funky green star, 20000 posts Top Favorite Fools Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 1256 of 1257
Subject: Re: another lesson Date: 6/20/2012 4:36 PM
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I hate to say this but I don't even know if I will truly grieve once she is gone. That's awful to say, I know it. So, I am also an evil person

That does not make you evil. Just honest. And the truth is, you probably will grieve, if not for her then for the mother she could have been.

Hugs,
6



6 is right.
And also... no one knows (or can know) how much or how little any person grieves. And no judgments should ever be made about it one way or the other.

AM

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Author: WarriorNurse Big red star, 1000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 1257 of 1257
Subject: Re: another lesson Date: 6/20/2012 7:48 PM
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6 and AM,

Thanks for the words of wisdom. I understand what you are saying and find it to be very true.

Jen

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