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Here are the new features released to CAPS today.

New Fonts
Several sections of the player page were changed from Verdana to Trebuchet MS. The profile page font is now Courier New instead of Courier, and blogs will now be using Tahoma Small Cap.

Buzz Box Enhancement
The Buzz Box now makes a buzzing sound when you click the "Next Buzz" button.

Real Time Quotes
For $1 per stock, you can get a real time quote for that stock. For $5 you can make stock picks in real time. For $20, you can establish whatever start and end price you want (within reason, of course).

New Player Data
To make it easier to communicate with our top players, we're now displaying player home addresses and phone numbers under the Profile tab of CAPS player pages. (Please be mindful of time-zone differences.)

New Player Ratings
Many of you have commented that you felt bad because your rating is so close to zero. To alleviate this problem, we are now adding three million to everyone's player rating.

Advanced Stock Search
We've added the following filters to our advanced stock search: Gross Profit, Non-Gross Profit, CEO Jail Time, and Proximity to an Applebee's.

Improved CAPS Scoring System
We felt that the formula of 2/3 score and 1/3 accuracy was too confusing for the typical CAPS player to understand, so we've simplified the system. Players will now be ranked based on their average return for their picks multiplied by the fractional holding period of their median active pick over the pick's compounded future value (discounted back to the present time). Players ranked in the lowest 10 percent (ratings 3,000,001 to 3,000,010) will be re-ranked based on weight.

Very few people were selecting the avatar of the "nervous chambermaid," so we've replaced it with a photo of a cat shaving a barber.

Profanity Filter
We discovered our profanity filter was coded incorrectly and has been INSERTING profanity into CAPS pitches. As a temporary fix, we've marked all such offensive text bright red, alerting you not to read it.

New Stock Ratings
We've received feedback that our star-based rating system was too imprecise. So, we've changed the star graphic to a graphic of a Lasik surgery, which is very precise.

Player Incentives
Make 50 stock picks, and you'll receive a free ear exam from Murray's Ear Clinic in Scranton, PA.

Console Compatibility
CAPS is now available on the Wii. To pick a stock to outperform the market, raise the controller up over your head. To pick underperform, place the controller in a toilet. To type a pitch, simply write your comments in the air.

New Contest
We're proud to announce our "Save the Monkey" contest. Somewhere in the U.S., we've suspended a rhesus monkey over a pit of molten lead. If over the next month, at least 60% of you don't beat the market, we'll drop the monkey into the pit. But if you do beat the market, the monkey will be untied and returned safe and sound to Abbott Research Laboratories.

Hacker Security
To reduce hacking, if a player logs into CAPS incorrectly, his account will be wiped out and he will not be able to re-register with CAPS for one year. This will happen on the first offense, so be careful.

New Password Format
All CAPS members will be required to change their password to new 24-character passwords. Passwords must alternate upper and lower case characters and must include at three diacritical marks and one Klingon word.

Wall Street Player Change
The rating of the player TrackJimCramer will be artificially raised or lowered throughout the day to create a sense of excitement or panic. This algorithm is perfectly legal and the SEC will not understand it.

We hope you enjoy the new and improved CAPS!!

Larry McCloskey
CAPS Project Team
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