UnThreaded | Threaded | Whole Thread (4) | Ignore Thread Prev Thread | Next Thread
Author: AlsoChorizo Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: of 929  
Subject: Asking for help Date: 5/30/2012 4:09 PM
Post New | Post Reply | Reply Later | Create Poll . Report this Post | Recommend it!
Recommendations: 4
I don't know about the rest of you but it took me a while to overcome my problem with asking for help. In fact, I think it's not really the asking for help that bothered me. I think it's the accepting help that I had trouble with. In the beginning this was strictly about my recovery, but now that I'm living life on life's terms it's getting more into the weeds.

So about a month ago someone in the program offered to help me with something that I don't have experience with (maintenance repair). I offered to even pay him for his time. He said I could just pay him for the parts, etc. and to just let him know when would be convenient to pick the item up. Well I finally got the time to schedule things and asked if he was still willing to help me out. He didn't say no, but implied he wasn't going to handle it the way we had discussed. Now I'm thinking I should have just handled this myself by taking it to a professional. And this is my problem. More times than not when people offer to help me with something that I'm not sure how to handle, I end up back where I was with no help. I'm not trying to whine or blame here, I just would like to hear what other people experience in these kind of situations. When I get to feeling like "**** it I'll handle it myself" I start to isolate and not engage with people in the program. I guess it's a kind of being gun shy.

AC *any experience out there*
Post New | Post Reply | Reply Later | Create Poll . Report this Post | Recommend it!
Print the post Back To Top
Author: SRHCB Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 919 of 929
Subject: Re: Asking for help Date: 5/30/2012 8:22 PM
Post New | Post Reply | Reply Later | Create Poll . Report this Post | Recommend it!
Recommendations: 1
Do unto others.

I don't like to ask others for help because I don't want to feel obligated, even though I always offer my own assistance with no expectation of compensation or reward.

When I feel uncomfortable about having accepted help and not being able to offer anything in return, I make an appropriate donation to a worthy charity in my helper's name.

What goes around, comes around.

SB (it works for me)

Print the post Back To Top
Author: PosFCF Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 920 of 929
Subject: Re: Asking for help Date: 6/2/2012 10:06 PM
Post New | Post Reply | Reply Later | Create Poll . Report this Post | Recommend it!
Recommendations: 2
AC

So about a month ago someone in the program offered to help me......Well I finally got the time to schedule things

I can't speak for anyone but myself, but if someone asks me to help them with something & I agree to provide the labor if they just paid for the parts, and then I don't hear from them for a month.....I don't know, I think that a not too small part of me would feel like "Oh, so now his Nibs is ready!".

If you have the money to use professional, then use one and save the favors from friends for the times when you need them.

I start to isolate and not engage with people in the program.

Friends in the program aren't people who are there to do favors for you. Friends in the program are fellow sick people trying to stay sober one day at a time and relying to some degree on the fellowship to help them do that.

That doesn't mean favors can't be done, but I don't want to ask a favor of anyone in the rooms in the first 30 or 40 contacts with them, lest they think that the only reason I'm interacting with them is because of what they can do for me.

Just engage in fellowship for fellowship's sake. Keep it simple.

If growing up was easy, I'd have done it the first time around.

Poz

Print the post Back To Top
Author: ataxwitch Big red star, 1000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 921 of 929
Subject: Re: Asking for help Date: 6/28/2012 2:10 PM
Post New | Post Reply | Reply Later | Create Poll . Report this Post | Recommend it!
Recommendations: 2
...lest they think that the only reason I'm interacting with them is because of what they can do for me.

The only reason I EVER interact with people in the program is because of what they can do for me. People in the program keep me sober.

Okay, okay, I know that's not what you meant. And yes, I do have friends in the program who I hang with just because it's fun. However, ultimately, when program is involved, it's to keep me sober. If you stay sober too, that's awesome, however, it's not my primary goal.

ataxwitch
*Can't help anyone else if I don't take care of myself.

Print the post Back To Top
UnThreaded | Threaded | Whole Thread (4) | Ignore Thread Prev Thread | Next Thread
Advertisement