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Author: Colovion Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: of 756802  
Subject: Can't have nice things Date: 11/23/2012 8:50 AM
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I've been neglecting TMF this week, I'm up at my in-laws' home in northern Michigan to celebrate the holiday/my wife's birthday. My MIL talked my wife into going shopping last night. That's where my tale of woe begins.

After watching some terrible football with my FIL I went to bed at about 1am. At 3am my wife shakes me awake. While she was out in the crowds shopping she put the card she was using to pay for things (our Visa debit card linked to our credit union account) in her back pocket. When she went to pay at the next store it wasn't there.

I don't know what she bought or didn't buy but thankfully we were able to get the card cancelled before we were cleaned out (again).

I can think of few worse ways to be woken up. I'm no longer in a festive mood. Today will be spent calling places in a holiday weekend because of this. Y wife will be making a police report. I'll have to contest the charges my wife didn't make.

Then I have to figure out how to prevent this in the future. I wasn't thrilled with her going shopping as it was (she over spends and as I'm the only one working that's frustrating) but I gave her a limit and she might have been sticking to it. But the thief didn't. It isn't the end of the world (enough money is left to cover the only debt withdrawal left before I get paid again, at least from what I can tell now) but it's the whole situation that has me upset. I just can't trust her with the keys to our financial castle anymore.

I don't know what to do. Just put her on a cash allowance? Tell her she can only spend her own money shopping (meaning if she wants to go she has to get a job and use that money, possibly from her own account)? Get her a credit card with a low limit (so if she loses that, again, it doesn't nail our checking account)?

I have all week to figure it out at least. Yay vacation. Totally relaxing!
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Author: wolverine307 Big funky green star, 20000 posts Top Recommended Fools Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 656589 of 756802
Subject: Re: Can't have nice things Date: 11/23/2012 8:56 AM
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You two need to attend Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University.

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Author: LuckyDog2002 Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 656590 of 756802
Subject: Re: Can't have nice things Date: 11/23/2012 10:02 AM
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Oh golly, how awful!

Here are some thoughts that come to mind, but I'm not married and won't even delve into the emotional aspects of shared money.

Women's pants are notoriously made with shallow pockets making it easy for stuff to fall out such as when going to the bathroom or when taking them off for maybe trying on other clothes.

I keep a wallet in my back pocket usually, but if I feel if area is unsafe ill put wallet in front pants pocket and if I'm really feeling cautious ill stick my credit card in front pants pocket or inside jacket pocket. I also leave rings at home and slip on a cheap watch.

A travel wallet that goes around waist or neck or wrist is also an option.

One needs to be mindful where drivers license, credit card and keys are when out and about.

Plus, I'd limit my shopping to daytime or if after sun goes down,go with friends or husband. :)

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Author: Colovion Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 656591 of 756802
Subject: Re: Can't have nice things Date: 11/23/2012 10:03 AM
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Good news bad news:

Good news: none of the charges appear to be fraudulent!
Bad news: none of the charges appear to be fraudulent... so she merely spent double the limit we agreed to.

Now if you excuse me I'll be banging my head against a brick wall.

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Author: wolverine307 Big funky green star, 20000 posts Top Recommended Fools Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 656593 of 756802
Subject: Re: Can't have nice things Date: 11/23/2012 10:08 AM
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Now if you excuse me I'll be banging my head against a brick wall

http://www.daveramsey.com/fpu/home/

If you don't like the Biblical basis for the program - fine. But there is oodles of wisdom in this course. I'm taking it right now.

Seriously, you two need to work together. I'm guessing that she probably feels trapped, not having any money of her own. So she spends to make herself feel better.

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Author: LuckyDog2002 Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 656594 of 756802
Subject: Re: Can't have nice things Date: 11/23/2012 10:09 AM
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Ahhh, love, what a wonderful thing and the holidays sure offer a great opportunity to realize all those wonderful "gifts" that love provides. :)

Lucky Dog who just helped build a new wing at the high tech vet.

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Author: arrete Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 656614 of 756802
Subject: Re: Can't have nice things Date: 11/23/2012 11:59 AM
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Cards go in the front pocket, if in a pocket at all.

Having said that, I vote for credit card with low limit. I've even called the company and told them I want a lower limit. That way, she's less likely to feel picked on than if you were doling out money each time. That's actually why I got a job - I hated not being able to take care of my own finances. First thing I did was get my own checking account and own credit card.

arrete

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Author: ascenzm Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 656620 of 756802
Subject: Re: Can't have nice things Date: 11/23/2012 12:35 PM
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At 3am my wife shakes me awake. While she was out in the crowds shopping she put the card she was using to pay for things (our Visa debit card linked to our credit union account) in her back pocket. When she went to pay at the next store it wasn't there.

Colovion


Bummer. I know the feeling. This summer I stopped at a mini mart to fill my car's gasoline tank. I opened my wallet to get my Discover card to slide into the gas pump car reader. The card was not there so I had to pay cash. After hurrying home and tearing the house apart in a futile effort to find the missing Discover card, I had to call Discover card and cancel the card. Luckily the card was not linked to any automatic pay services.

The embarrassing thing is that a few days later, I moved the box of facial tissues I keep on my car's front passenger seat. There was the missing Discover card. I had just received the replacement Discover card in the mail. What had happened was that just before I could not find the old Discover card, I had gotten my car inspected. I paid the mechanic with the old Discover card. He gave me my car keys, a copy of the bill, my car's registration card and my car's insurance card. Instead of returning the credit card to my wallet, I placed it on the front seat underneath the other paperwork. The card slid under the facial tissue box when I drove home and I forgot about it when I got home.

Argh! At least nobody else found it.

Mike

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Author: msullyo One star, 50 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 656636 of 756802
Subject: Re: Can't have nice things Date: 11/23/2012 1:40 PM
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Well ascenzm, I have done the same thing in the past. Lost a debit card, flipped out, had it cancelled, and then it showed up. In our house. Hmmm.
I'm sure we are not the only ones to have done that!

Sully

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Author: ariechert Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 656641 of 756802
Subject: Re: Can't have nice things Date: 11/23/2012 2:12 PM
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"Tell her she can only spend her own money shopping (meaning if she wants to go she has to get a job and use that money, possibly from her own account)?" - colovion


Does your wife have a college degree? To be a substitute teacher all you need is a bachelor's degree, you don't need to be certified to teach. It's an easy gig and I imagine up in Michigan the pay is probably pretty good to be a substitute. You just sign up at the local school board building and they do a background check to make sure you're not a pedophile and you show them your degree. The good thing is that if you want to travel or need a day off you just don't accept any teaching assignments for that day. It's very flexible. Another good thing is that usually if you are any good at it at all you'll get a plethora of calls to teach. When I was substitute teaching I got called almost every day.

Art

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Author: Colovion Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 656649 of 756802
Subject: Re: Can't have nice things Date: 11/23/2012 3:30 PM
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Does your wife have a college degree?

No. She was taking classes at the local community college after high school but her health issues kept her from completing them. Then she suffered the brain injury three years ago. So she has three strikes against her: no college degree, health issues that make it difficult to get a job (she was rejected from the last place that interviewed her because she can't lift and carry 50 lbs. all the time, if her arthritis flares up she can barely move!) and she's prone to missing work due to illness (she's constantly sick to her stomach).

She doesn't qualify for disability (not enough work credits and I make too much otherwise) and I object to the program anyway. So we're sort of stuck. I hate to tell her that she can't spend money unless she's earning it given that she has tried to get a job but just can't. It's a problem I haven't solved yet.

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Author: CCinOC Big funky green star, 20000 posts Top Recommended Fools Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 656653 of 756802
Subject: Re: Can't have nice things Date: 11/23/2012 3:52 PM
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I'm the type of shopper that I can't stand to pay full sticker/sucker price, so nearly everything I buy has been marked down at least once. But my former spouse once said something that really struck home:

"We can't afford for you to save us any more money."

So now I buy something only if I really really need it and/or it's such an unforgettable item that I'd buy it even if it wasn't on sale.

"Would I pay full price for this?"

If I answer no, then I don't buy it.

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Author: arrete Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 656664 of 756802
Subject: Re: Can't have nice things Date: 11/23/2012 6:16 PM
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I hate to tell her that she can't spend money unless she's earning it given that she has tried to get a job but just can't. It's a problem I haven't solved yet.
----------------

Something she could do from home? Some people do well on ebay, but I don't really know. It's a problem. How about going back to school in some sense and getting at least a technical type of degree - medical billing, as-needed phlebotomist, etc. There is stuff out there.

arrete

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Author: arrete Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 656668 of 756802
Subject: Re: Can't have nice things Date: 11/23/2012 6:56 PM
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"Would I pay full price for this?"

If I answer no, then I don't buy it.
---------------

O good. I just bought a portable music stand on on of Amazon's Black Friday specials. But I've been meaning to get one anyway. The one I have is slowly stripping its "things that hold it together" and I've been meaning to get one anyway.

arrete

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Author: ferjen Big red star, 1000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 656672 of 756802
Subject: Re: Can't have nice things Date: 11/23/2012 7:08 PM
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If she was also freaked out about losing the card, the likelihood is it won't ever happen again. My wife had her entire purse stolen once after leaving it in a shopping cart and turning her head for just a moment or two. ONCE WAS ALL IT TOOK. She grips that thing tight as hell now. I never said a word to her, just made the calls to clean up the mess. Her wallet was found in a parking lot on the other side of town a few days later with all of her identification and credit cards in tact. The thieves were looking for cash and we don't carry cash. In any case, use a credit card, especially anytime the card leaves your sight (like with waiters) or if you are worried about the potential of losing the card or having the card stolen (like crowded places, on vacation, walking around theme parks)...

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Author: CCinOC Big funky green star, 20000 posts Top Recommended Fools Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 656673 of 756802
Subject: Re: Can't have nice things Date: 11/23/2012 7:17 PM
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Loan processing can be done from home. My processor is a grandmother who works from home.

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Author: vkg Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 656758 of 756802
Subject: Re: Can't have nice things Date: 11/24/2012 6:52 PM
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Good news bad news: <?i>

Debit cards are much higher risk than credit cards.

A budgeted amount that she doesn't have too account to you might be the answer. Placed in a separate account possibly with household budget each week would limit the exposure if the debit card is lost or compromised.


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Author: andrew61 Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 656895 of 756802
Subject: Re: Can't have nice things Date: 11/25/2012 10:44 PM
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Well ascenzm, I have done the same thing in the past. Lost a debit card, flipped out, had it cancelled, and then it showed up. In our house. Hmmm.
I'm sure we are not the only ones to have done that!



I've done it too! "Lost" a credit card, called and had it cancelled and reissued (with a new account number), only to find the "lost" card on the dining room floor the next day. It must've slipped out of a pocket -- luckily after I was already home.

This was many years ago (1980s).

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