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Author: MichaelRead Big gold star, 5000 posts Feste Award Winner! Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: of 8418  
Subject: Challenge 132: Write a FAQ Date: 10/14/2002 5:25 PM
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Challenge 132: Write a FAQ.

A FAQ – Frequently Asked Questions – is a needed component of a board at TMF. The challenge is to write one (more accurately, re-write one) for this or any other existing or new board at TMF.

Example:

Martini Club FAQ

While you may believe that you have a point rest assured that it is understood that by holding this view you are showing yourself as a product of our education system and, while we can do little to change that fact, you will be reminded of your status on a continuing basis and your writing scrutinized for any resemblances of cogent thought which – by writing about your point – you have shown a sparseness of same; in writing of your point you will find that your post may be a seminal position from which those having a greater clarity will use to not only to make a finer point but also to use it as a springboard dealing with the sad fact of your parents' lack of marital legitimacy and an even sadder fact of not practicing birth control appropriately. Cuff off.

MichaelR


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Author: rehowes Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 6058 of 8418
Subject: Re: Challenge 132: Write a FAQ Date: 10/14/2002 7:08 PM
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Frequently asked questions - Improve the Fool

Can we have unlimited recs?
Can we go back to the old font?
When will you reinstate ________?
I paid for the boards, why should I see popups?
Why did you pull this post? Haven't you heard of the 1st ammendment?

Randall

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Author: Raggmopp Big funky green star, 20000 posts Top Favorite Fools Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 6059 of 8418
Subject: Re: Challenge 132: Write a FAQ Date: 10/14/2002 7:43 PM
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Well then, you should have written yer OWN part 2 of the FAQ. Harumpf!
: Þ

Raggmopp

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Author: MichaelRead Big gold star, 5000 posts Feste Award Winner! Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 6062 of 8418
Subject: Re: Challenge 132: Write a FAQ Date: 10/14/2002 8:25 PM
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Humor and Urban Legends

Two TMF posters walk into a bar. One says, “Did you hear the one about the nun and the airbrakes?” The other says, “Yes, I read it five posts ago and my bet is that I'll read it again tomorrow and the day after.”

Folks, we have to stop repeating jokes that we've all read. The first time it funny but by the twelfth it gets stale. Yeah, yeah, we know, it was the first time you got it in an e-mail and it's funny but to those of us who sent it in the first place it's a ho hum. So watch it, please. At last count we had 4,598 identical posting of one joke – the one about the nun and a box of raisins and that's flogging a joke to death.

If we have to read again and again the joke about the nun and a priest fishing in Alaska we'll HURL. Get it, hurl as in hurl and HURL as in HURL? So, okay, they're funnier on The Jester Board but that's because they don't keep repeating the same jokes over and over such as the one about the nun and the socket wrench (345 identical posts to date).

And watch the ethnic jokes, hey. Some of those ethnicities mention here have learned to read and write and some, the few who get the joke, object. Our country is a melting pot welcoming all ethnicities – even the Ugarians who get married in the bathtub because they wanted a double ring ceremony.

Also, let's cut back on the blonde jokes, right? You would be surprised at the number of blondes sending e-mails saying they don't get it. Possibly you'd think that since most blonde jokes are repeated 4,895 times they'd get the point but they don't and that's another reason for not posting the same joke over and over. The one about the blonde nun and bowl of Cheerios was typical: posted 657 times and not one blonde got it.

A closing thought: why the concentration on nun jokes? Surely we can do better than this. How about some jokes about Muezzins? We haven't had one about them in ages. But if one does turn up, for Gawd's sake let's not repeat it again and again and again.

MichaelR




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Author: DuckInMyShorts Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool CAPS All Star Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 6063 of 8418
Subject: Re: Challenge 132: Write a FAQ Date: 10/14/2002 10:53 PM
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Living Below Your Means

Q: What is this board about?
A: Theoretically, it is about living your life without spending all of your hard-earned cash and going into credit-card/installment-loan debt up to your neck, but without suffering needlessly. In reality, it is just about anything considering the number of Off-Topic (OT:) posts that comprise the majority of posts on this board. Most popular posts are about pregnancy, stupid relatives/friends/acquaintances/strangers, personal information that should be over on the "Too Much Information" board, and the rantings of some idiot that calls himself "DuckInMyShorts".

Q: How much do I save by stealing McDonald's ketchup packets instead of going to a grocery store and buying a bottle of ketchup?
A: You have been nominated as "cheap b*stard of the week".

Q: Does Bill Gates "live below his means"?
A: Of course, instead of building his $22 million mansion in Washington state, he could have just bought the entire state of Oregon to live in.

Q: On my HPT, what do the little crossed pink lines mean?
A: It means you've just earned the most recs for a post this week, you rec-ho!

Q: Can I...?
A: NO!

Q: Should I pay off my credit cards or my home mortgage, or should I just blow my entire inheritance/windfall/lottery winnings on alcohol?
A: Mom??????

Q: What's the best deal on a SUV?
A#1: One that you can buy with cash.
A#2: One that has been destroyed with a Stinger Missile.

Q: What's the best way to meet smart, LBYM-ish, Christian guys?
A: Shut up, frissy!!!

Q: My 20-year-old black-and-white 13" Philco TV has just bit the dust, what's the best deal on TV's nowadays?
A: One that you can steal from your dysfunctional, alcoholic mother-in-law.

Q: Is this the end of the FAQ?
A: Quiet, you, I'm counting ketchup packets!




Duck!


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Author: MichaelRead Big gold star, 5000 posts Feste Award Winner! Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 6064 of 8418
Subject: Re: Challenge 132: Write a FAQ Date: 10/15/2002 12:38 AM
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Well then, you should have written yer OWN part 2 of the FAQ. Harumpf!
: Þ

Raggmopp


It had crossed my mind that because of the number of sterling posters here that I should take everyone's name and add them to the FAQ on a regular basis but I hesitated because I would then have to get sucker Mopps – ahem, partner in crime -- to do the updating on a regular basis as I conned the Challenge Number Updates.

What I did not expect – and that's because I said you could write anything you wanted but I didn't know you'd do what you did – was to have my Canadianism laid out for all to see. That was a low blow. It does not explain away everything that I am a Canadian but that as a Canadian I don't bleed but exude sap. Other than that I am your normal human being totally capable of spelling Britnie, Britnay, Britly, or whatever her name is when I am sober.

Small aside. I have found a counter to the new Verdana typeface chosen as an artsy fartsy improvement (?) to TMF: booze. Enough of this marvelous elixir and Verdana begins to look like Stephenson Blake Cooper – one of the finest typefaces cut and a precursor to all modern book faces. Enough booze and the problem's solved.

At one time in my early life I was quite erudite about typography and in fact wrote extensively about it. Before booze became a hobby that is. But adding booze and Verdana is the solution because Verdana is as warm a typeface as the warmth of landladies I have lived through.

With Verdana 'I love you' comes across as a contract. Saying 'I love your thighs and breasts' looks like a meat order at a supermarket. People learning English as a second language speak in Verdana. Children write in Verdana on outside walls – grown ups write in serif faces on bathroom walls. Some of my best ransom notes are written in Times New Roman.

One thing we didn't put in the FAQ, Mopps, is 'stay on subject'. Oh well, for another time. Not that I am ever going to follow that rule.

MichaelR



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Author: gayner Big red star, 1000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 6112 of 8418
Subject: Re: Challenge 132: Write a FAQ Date: 10/16/2002 6:38 PM
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I have many questions.

1) People learning English as a second language speak in Verdana.
Where is Verdana?

2) because of the number of sterling posters
Do sterling posters tarnish easily?

3) because I would then have to get sucker Mopps
Are these anything like those Swipes on a stick they sell nowadays?

4) when I am sober
Is there a partiuclar time of day, I might be assured of your sobriety?

5) Verdana is as warm a typeface as the warmth of landladies I have lived through.
In this metaphor, what do you mean by "warmth of landladies I have lived through". In Canada is it customary to exchange carnal knowledge for lodging?

Maybe if you answer a few or possibly all of these queries, I might be inclined to enter this challenge.





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Author: fleg9bo Big funky green star, 20000 posts Top Recommended Fools Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 6118 of 8418
Subject: Re: Challenge 132: Write a FAQ Date: 10/16/2002 7:05 PM
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5) Verdana is as warm a typeface as the warmth of landladies I have lived through.
In this metaphor, what do you mean by "warmth of landladies I have lived through". In Canada is it customary to exchange carnal knowledge for lodging?


No, this metaphor has nothing to do with carnal knowledge of landladies. What it means is, Michael doesn't have much of a life up there in the rain and fog--that would explain the lengthy rant about Verdana, no? His only real existence is lived vicariously through his landlady (and in the past, through previous landladies). That's why, when his landlady goes out fishing and loses a fishing rod, it's as real to him as if he has lost his own.

--fleg, intending no pun

P.S. You gotta admit, though, that "the warmth of landladies I have lived through," is a well-turned phrase that should soon attain the status of a classic

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Author: KezFromOZ Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 6119 of 8418
Subject: Re: Challenge 132: Write a FAQ Date: 10/16/2002 8:34 PM
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ITF -FAQ's

Q: How?
A: Can't tell!

Q: Why?
A: Because!

Q: When?
A: When we're ready!

Q: Where?
A: We will tell you soooon!

Q: What?
A: Please don't ask complicated question!

KËZ (huh?)

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Author: gayner Big red star, 1000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 6121 of 8418
Subject: Re: Challenge 132: Write a FAQ Date: 10/16/2002 8:48 PM
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P.S. You gotta admit, though, that "the warmth of landladies I have lived through," is a well-turned phrase that should soon attain the status of a classic

Unquestionably, the phrase has inspired me to look for my harmonica, so I might work it into a tune. Unfortunatly, the search for the harmonica has left me short of breath, and a wee bit frustrated (I should know where I last left my important things) I shall follow MichaelRead's example, and consume some alcohol before attempting any other tasks.



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Author: MichaelRead Big gold star, 5000 posts Feste Award Winner! Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 6144 of 8418
Subject: Re: Challenge 132: Write a FAQ Date: 10/18/2002 3:16 AM
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P.S. You gotta admit, though, that "the warmth of landladies I have lived through," is a well-turned phrase that should soon attain the status of a classic.

Unquestionably, the phrase has inspired me to look for my harmonica, so I might work it into a tune. Unfortunately, the search for the harmonica has left me short of breath, and a wee bit frustrated (I should know where I last left my important things) I shall follow MichaelRead's example, and consume some alcohol before attempting any other tasks.

Gayner


God, man, you are of my brethren. A Hohner, a few drinks and then OnHer. What woman can't resist a Marine Band played by an artiste especially when there's a few swigs of the ol' merlot, a moon hanging low in the sky, and prairie dogs howling an accompaniment in the background. Make one tear up, don't it.

On the Bar T, Crescent Moon, Star Cluster, Sun Risin', Double S, Crossed M ranch we had five head of cattle – few survived the branding – and we would set there in the twilight eatin' beans with Raggmopp on the guitar, gayer on the harmonica and me playing the anus base. Sheer harmony; sheer musicology.

Many's the evenings when we've sat around the fire and talked of warm hearts and cold landladies. How we saw landladies as the IRS of the renting world; how sneaking a woman into our room was an effort akin to dropping supplies to the French resistance in Nazi-occupied territory. How our visitor would orgasm with a “YESSSSS!' and hear the landlady say, “NO!!!!!!” Them were the days and the reason I was booted out of several lodgings.

But that was many years ago. Now I am a respected member of the community and when Elly says, “YESSSSS!” our neighbor, a retired landlady, screams out “NO!!!!!!” in a reflex action. If I hadn't had a few beers I would know the French phrase for 'things change but they remain the same' but that's life fur ya.

MichaelR




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Author: gayner Big red star, 1000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 6145 of 8418
Subject: Re: Challenge 132: Write a FAQ Date: 10/18/2002 5:21 AM
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"les choses changent mais elles demeurent les mêmes"

A Hohner, a few drinks and then OnHer

Why didn't I think of that. Your are truelly a resourceful friend. I shall execute the plan within a fortnight.

Sheer harmony; sheer musicology

Those days shall n'er be forgotten, yea verily they must be relived.
tpault on the spoons, kez with her diggerie-doo, who else may wish to join our campfire choral?

Now I am a respected member of the community

I too, have achieved that dubious status, and wish only to diminish my reputation before the pilot light goes out.



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Author: gayner Big red star, 1000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 6146 of 8418
Subject: Re: Challenge 132: Write a FAQ Date: 10/18/2002 7:41 AM
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Welcome To The BERKSHIRE HATHAWAY FAQ Page

“The market, like Warren, helps those who help themselves. But unlike The Lord, Warrren does not forgive those who know not what they do." -The Lord.

1. What is the difference between A shares and B shares of Berkshire Hathaway?

BRK has two classes of stock, Class A and Class B. This designation was established to perpetuate class distinction and discrimination. A share of Class B stock has the rights of 1/30th of a Class A, so a Class B shareholder is counted as 1/30th of a person, but does not get a 1/30th share of the vote, but instead has 1/200th share of a vote. Class B shares are not eligible to participate in the BRK shareholder designated contributions program, in fact, we prefer they stay out of the commissary or the company store. Additionally, each share of Class A is convertible at any time, at the shareholders option into 30 shares of Class B stock. This privilege does not extend in the opposite direction, hell the Class B shareholders should be grateful they get a friggin' newsletter when we have an overrun.

2. Is Berkshire Hathaway a mutual fund?

No! Must I repeat myself? BRK is a holding company, and basically me and Charlie are holding the keys, and if you continue to ask questions, I might just leave you holding the bag.

3. When is the annual meeting?

Usually in the springtime when the daffodils are blooming on the prairie. Omaha's kinda dreary in the winter, and in the summer the humidity wreaks havoc on my shirt. We're discounting some of the shirts, check it out at our web site. www.buyanoldshirt.com

4. What would happen to Berkshire Hathaway if Warren Buffett and Charlie Munger were no longer able to manage the company?

Well that will be it ~ party's over ~ that sort of thing. I can't last forever ~ what did you expect? Damn, most of you are ungrateful greedy bastards that expect me to be mummified, reconstituted, and re-energized like some money makin' Zombie. When I'm dead, I'm dead. Give it up, please? This question is giving me heartburn. Hey Charlie, where's my nitroglycerin?

5. Will Berkshire Hathaway ever pay a dividend?

We (me and Charlie) feel noble intentions should best be left to the Nobles (me and Charlie). You serfs expect dividends? I mean, Munger here can get medieval on your @$$ real quick.

6. Does Berkshire have a policy concerning the issuance of common stock?

We have a firm policy about issuing share of BRK. If me and Charlie feel like it, we'll do it. Go ahead Charlie, sing that Good&Plenty jingle you do so well.

Charlie says, love my Good&Plenty.
Charlie says, really rings my bell.
Charlie says, love my Good&Plenty.
Charlie says, There's no other candy that we love so well!"

OK, everyone, let's have a warm round of applause for Charlie Munger.

Yo, Charles, did we buy that company?

7. Why doesn't Berkshire Hathaway split its stock?

I'd just as soon 'split' my pants, no make that, I'd just as soon 'split open your skull' for asking such a stupid question. For gosh sakes man, Charlie is 107 years old, and I'm getting up there. You expect us to do a split!

8. At what point would Berkshire initiate a share repurchase program?

We will not buy back shares unless we believe BRK is selling well below INTRINSIC VALUE. Since only a handful of you out there have any clue what INTRINSIC VALUE means, and those of you who do have a grip on the true meaning of INTRINSIC VALUE, spend most of your time, with your own hands in your own pockets, gripping your own little intrinsic thing, we have no intentions of letting any of you idiots get your hands in our pockets!

9. Can I expect Berkshire to achieve smooth earnings growth?

Does a turd have texture? C'mon Charlie, I can't put up with this Sh!t any longer. You got us booked on that execujet flight to Davenport, Iowa. I wanna see that young lady that works at the dairy queen just East of town, you know the one that serves the big double dip in the crunchy cones. Then we can drive around and run over some more of those disgusting lizards Geico uses as an ad mascot, and talk about moving some more of our reinsurance business to the island in the Caribbean you bought last week. Hey, Charles, is there still a box of See's Candy in the glove box, I think my blood sugar is gettin' low?




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