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If you caught today's Motley Fool Take:

You probably know all about dnL. Yep, it's green, it's mean, it's full of caffeine. It's also 7 UP upside down. But between Vanilla Coke and Pepsi Blue and Mountain Dew Code Red, the flavors and colors are flying all fast and furious.

Sooooo, Challenge 136. Be the soda. Jerk. Come up with a wild soda flavor. Describe if you need to.

Bonus points awarded for clever marketing slogans to go along with your fizz creation.


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Fool Aid: Hemlock flavored investment soda that makes you think that the EMTs who've arrived in a Coroners Wagon to take you away is really Warren Buffet "backing up the truck".


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Euelle Gibbons Hickory & Squirrel Nut Fizz

(Euelle Gibbons was nature's conisseur, formulating meals from all the grows, claiming that everything is edible.

Poor sap died of cancer if I recall. Use to gnaw the bark right off of Hemlock trees, and then talk to the camera with a mouthful of wood chips. Tiny pieces of bark stuck to his teeth like so much left-over Oreo crud. His big thing was nuts. Eatin' nuts. Nuts of just about every kind.

Here's his commercial for:

Euelle Gibbons Hickory & Squirrel Nut Fizz

This here's your old buddy Euelle Gibbons, askin' ya to try out our new Hickory & Squirrel Nut Fizz. We only use the finest squirrel nuts available. We thump 'em with a flick of the middle finger, the way you do a ripe watermellon, to see if it's time. Now before ya go off gettin' all spotted owl on me, we don't kill the little fellas. They're just fine after we whack off their little nuts, even if they do chirp a few octaves higher, and leap around like the FTD Florist.

(gulp gulp gulp)

Ahhh, you can just taste that fresh, natural, nutzy taste goin' down your throat. We leave one nut whole in every can, for your guzzlin' pleasure.

And that's not all. Try our new Tallywhacker Tea. The finest herbal brew made from select turtles in heat. No finer brew this side of Mountain Oyster Valley. So rich it's creamy. So come on in, and we'll "jerk" one off for ya. We put real meaning back into the title "Soda Jerk."

Paul T.
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Parsnip-Apple Fizz


Celery - wait White Rock does that one.

Coffee Cola

Potato Ale

Dr Paprika

Cilantro Soda

Jalapeno Nectar
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No. of Recommendations: 4
The Moon hangs low in the sky highlighting the restaurant's waterfront in shades of yellow moonlight. She has dined well on steak and lobster and now is the time for an after-dinner drink to round out a beautiful evening together. The candle in the table's center adds a glow to her off-the shoulder covered and pearl clad breasts and now is the time for an astute dinner partner to suggest that drink over which both will linger.

'My dearest love,” he says. “This has been an evening I shall remember forever. This place, your company, it deserves a finishing touch. No, ice wine is not sufficient nor is a 1937 Galliano. Nothing would suit now but a 2001 Raggmopp/Read's Apple/Parsnip wine.”

Her eyes brimmed. “But that is so expensive.” she says. He looks at her and says, “Nothing is expensive when you're in love, my sweet.”

She looks at him and says, “I have to warn you that only one sip of Raggmopp/Read's Apple/Parsnip and the elastic in my panties shrivels and they fall off.”



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Tanks Paul, I needed a snorfling chuckle to shake the droops out from my eyes.

If you are what you eat, does that mean the Euelle Gibbons really was a nut?

I have his books somewhere around the house. It was required reading for Type II pacifist, live-off-the-land, Quaker kid-hippie-sorta people during the 60's.

I could never manage to boil the bitterness out of the acorns, so the squirrels may have them. I am willing to eat the squirrel after he's processed them. Euell wouldn't do that.
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Ah, the days of gin and buttermilk <sigh>

Da Mopp
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Garlic-Cranberry Ale

Keep the blood-thirsty savages away and avoid urinary infections with this delightful concoction!
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This will be easy, since all pharmacists are soda-jerks at heart:

Hawkeye Express: we invented this when I was in college. It is simply 1 part coke, one part root beer, one part lemonade. A sort of variation of the old standard lemon coke. However, if you use pink lemonade, increase the lemonade and decrease the coke slightly.

Now, the new inventions:

Zuchinni squid

Dr. Salt, straight from the Dead Sea

Cisplatin zofran : drink your chemo and your anti-ememtic at the same time!

Baking soda vinegar, with extra carbonation

Lime Clammato cola

vanilla acne cream soda

lemon cantalope cola

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Euelle Gibbons Hickory & Squirrel Nut Fizz

I stumbled across something close to the above suggested new soda flavor: Squirrel Nut Zippers, a real type of candy.

Here I thought I came up with such a unique flavor...squirrel nuts, but it turns out it's been on the market for decades.

I use to work a construction job with this old tymer named Marshall. Had nary a hair, nor tooth in his head. He use to bring in these meatballs all the time and chew...gum them for all their worth. But they looked kinda funny for meatballs so one time, when his mouth was full and his face was all scrunched up the way toothless old men's faces scrunch up when they gum their food, I asked him what exactly is it that he's eating?

He paused long enough to garble out an answer through his meat filled bahz

"What?" I asked, not understanding his garbled words.

Bull balls! he exclaimed loudly, the second time.

I just about lost my lunch. Here I'd been watching him pop these things in his mouth with an almost sexual lust, for months. Cheeks all puffed out, filled with pure man cow testes.

I asked him Are you nuts? I suppose when you drive down the road and see some cows there, you're eyeballing their dongs and your mouth is watering, wishing it were in your mouth!?!

Yup, he proudly exclaimed.

I asked him if it ever bothers him, like after he's finished a big plate full of cow pp, that he's got like pieces of cowpud stuck between his teeth. "Not at all" he said.

I sometimes wonder how the caveman that killed his prey and then buried his head in the animal's crotch, was ever allowed to stay in the community and evolve into people like Marshall. I mean, if I was stuck on an island with this guy, I'd sleep with my hands cupped over my boys. What must it have been like growing up as a kid in his house? Mom, can Johnny come over for supper tonight?

"Sure, we're having penis! Does Johnny like penis?"

I mean...shouldn't they be arrested or something?

Paul T.

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