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In this challenge, folks are asked to create slogans for things.....you know, those little cues that we are supposed to associate with various brands, like;

"AOL, so easy to use, no wonder it's number 1"

....to which MSN responds with:

"MSN; more useful every day".

Now, in this challenge you are to come up with slogans that tell it like it really is.

I start by resisting the "low hanging fruit" offered by AOL and MSN and choose instead.........the D.C. Metro!

The slogan is:

"Metro; we regret the inconvenience and we thank you for your patience"



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No. of Recommendations: 1
Well, there's the perennial "Beer, it's not just for breakfast anymore," but this board is supposed to be original humor, right?

How bout this one...

Microsoft Windows: We'll crush that last bit of hope you were clinging to that technology could make your life easier.
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No. of Recommendations: 2
Baltimore: The City That Breeds!
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No. of Recommendations: 1
Eureka Vacuum Cleaners: We REALLY suck!!

DIMP
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No. of Recommendations: 1
American Tobacco Co.
"We make the products you're dying for."
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No. of Recommendations: 0
Hummer Motor Cars
"Nothing Exceeds Like Excess"
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No. of Recommendations: 1
Baltimore: The City That Breeds!

Philadelphia: The City That Shoves You Back.

-Terry
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No. of Recommendations: 1
"America Online: Where email attachments go to die"
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No. of Recommendations: 2
"America Online: Where email attachments go to die"

TMF Full Service Brokers: Churning Together.

-Terry ;-)
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No. of Recommendations: 2
America Online: When a real ISP just won't do...



DIMP
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No. of Recommendations: 5
Arthur Anderson: Giving new meaning to "Unqualified Audit Opinion"

-Terry
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No. of Recommendations: 1
Enron:
"Quit Yer Bitchin', It's Only Money"
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No. of Recommendations: 11
Afghanistan:
"Rushing Headlong Into The 12th Century"
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No. of Recommendations: 0
Smith Barney:
"We Make Money The Old Fashioned Way, Margin Interest."
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No. of Recommendations: 4
Paramount Television:
"You can watch any show you want...as long as it's Star Trek"

DIMP
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No. of Recommendations: 1
The History Channel
"All World War II, All The Time."
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No. of Recommendations: 2
CNN:
"Good Looking Anchors, Not Much Else."
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No. of Recommendations: 2
HGTV:
"When you just can't stand your own house."
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No. of Recommendations: 0
Fox News:
"The National Enquirer Of The Air"
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No. of Recommendations: 0
CSPAN2:
"TWICE as boring as CSAN, for the same price!"
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No. of Recommendations: 5
Moosehead:
"It's not just a great beer, it's a felony!"
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No. of Recommendations: 0
E!:
"Featuring the latest in censoring/pixelating technology!"



DIMP
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No. of Recommendations: 0
The Weather Channel:
"Featuring your favorite pregnant weather forecasters"

DIMP
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No. of Recommendations: 5
The Catholic Church:
"We're looking for a few good boys.
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No. of Recommendations: 2
Firestone Tires: We Get You on the Road.

Klash
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No. of Recommendations: 1
The Mormon Church:
"We're looking for a few good Osmonds."



DIMP
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No. of Recommendations: 7

Abstinence: Its like sex, only different.

Diane
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No. of Recommendations: 70
Improve The Fool: We're not just taking ideas, we're taking names.
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No. of Recommendations: 1
"Welcome to Tennessee. Just like Kentucky, but with a few more DNA!"



DIMP
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No. of Recommendations: 1
"Welcome to Michigan: Where 'Toyota' is a four-letter word"


DIMP
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No. of Recommendations: 3
Welcome to Pennsylvania: Road Construction Next 359 Miles.

-Terry
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No. of Recommendations: 0
New Jersey: It's Still Free to Get In!

-Terry
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No. of Recommendations: 1
"Welcome to Georgia. And you thought 'Deliverance' was fiction?"


DIMP
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No. of Recommendations: 0

The X Files - who da thunk we'd miss Duchovny?

Diane
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Thoroughbred Racing - where men with pituitary problems can whip majestic animals for the sake of desperate souls risking their Social Security checks

(ok ... so its a bit long-winded ... sue me) :-)

Diane
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No. of Recommendations: 1
Spam - As delicious as it is gelatinous.
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No. of Recommendations: 0
Zoloft - take it and you too can feel like a cartoon "Tribble"

Diane
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No. of Recommendations: 0
The Discovery Channel:
"Featuring the best of British reality TV"


DIMP
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No. of Recommendations: 0
Maybelline:
"Put This On Your Lashes And You'll Look Like Our Model"
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No. of Recommendations: 6
The Ab Roller:
"Yes, You Do Look That Stupid"
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No. of Recommendations: 1
The Jerry Lewis Telethon:
"I Make A Killing On These Things"
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No. of Recommendations: 0
Victoria's Secret:
"Ain't no way your wife or girlfriend is gonna look like this!"


DIMP
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No. of Recommendations: 2
PBS:
"Hey Mister, You Got Any Spare Change?"
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No. of Recommendations: 0
Teletubbies:
"We only use 4 story lines!"



DIMP
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No. of Recommendations: 2
The Late Show with David Letterman - Koppelating without protection

Diane
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No. of Recommendations: 1
Teletubbies:
"We only use 4 story lines!"


Teletubbies:
Creating gay toddlers since 1902
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No. of Recommendations: 0
we're taking names

Please, don't put my name on any list I can't handle the junk mail I get now.

Oh! hey /// um...

How did I get here..

Dennis
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No. of Recommendations: 0
Amtrak - anybody want a slightly used fleet of Acelas?

Diane
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Teletubbies:
"We only use 4 story lines!"

Teletubbies:
Creating gay toddlers since 1902



Teletubbies:
For toddlers that can't handle reality.




DIMP
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No. of Recommendations: 19
The Motley Fool: Enhancing your web experience one suspension at a time.
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No. of Recommendations: 1
Amtrak:
"We'll get you there....rails permitting!"



DIMP
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No. of Recommendations: 1
The Motley Fool:
"The Number TWO internet time-waster in American corporations!"


DIMP
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No. of Recommendations: 1
Fool.com:
Confuse, Diminish, Kvetch
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No. of Recommendations: 9
K-Mart: Damn you Sam Walton, damn you to hell!!!
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No. of Recommendations: 1
Animal Planet:
"Watch blithering idiots hug dangerous animals!"



DIMP
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No. of Recommendations: 3
Jergen's: Cause boy will be boys

halon
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No. of Recommendations: 0
MicroSoft:
"Who do you want to assimilate today?"


DIMP
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No. of Recommendations: 0
Enron:

"Energy solutions for the poor, the destitute, the huddled masses."


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No. of Recommendations: 0
The Royal Army of the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia:

"Seeking the brightest and most ambitious to serve our country...jews and women need not apply."


DIMP
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No. of Recommendations: 0
NASCAR RACING:

"Where the slowest beer-soaked fans can watch others die fast!"

*JR*
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No. of Recommendations: 3
Fool.com

Intimidate, Alienate, Eradicate
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No. of Recommendations: 0
Mercedes-Benz:

"Only the goofiest advertising for our dignified cars will do."



DIMP
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No. of Recommendations: 0
Berkshire-Hathaway:
"Buy and Hold,and hold,and hold....and hold....and...h-h-h-old....and...
huh-huh-huh (COUGH,GASP,WHEEEEEZE) h-h-h-o-o-o-o-o-o-o.........GAAAAHCK!

*JR*
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No. of Recommendations: 0
U.S.Postal Service:
"Go Postal First Class!"

*JR*
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No. of Recommendations: 0
Microsoft:
"Dividends? We don't need no steekin' dividends!!"


DIMP
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No. of Recommendations: 0
Microsoft: Our Unchecked Buffers ARE Open-Standard!

-Terry
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No. of Recommendations: 1
VH1 - Being hip isn't everything
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No. of Recommendations: 0
Economy class:
"When comfort, pleasure and deep vein thrombosis are not issues--Bon Voyage!"
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No. of Recommendations: 0
McDonald's:
"Clowning with food in a business full of clowns."
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Mmm, Mmm, Gruel;

Mmm, Mmm, Gruel;

That's what Campbell's Soups are;

Mmm, Mmm, Gruel.


Fiat
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No. of Recommendations: 3
The Internal Revenue Service: We're F...F...F...Frien <snort> Friend <sknxx> Friend...

CUT!!

Once more time. The word is "Friendlier."

IRS public service announcement, take 96.

Action!

The Intern <hee hhe> al...

CUT!!

<sigh> Can't they pay us by the hour?

Randall

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No. of Recommendations: 0
Welcome to Pennsylvania: Road Construction Next 359 Miles.

LOL! That one's at least as old as I am. And I'm not sayin'. ;-)

Foolishjk
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No. of Recommendations: 0
LOL! That one's at least as old as I am. And I'm not sayin'. ;-)

I've seen variations of it but never quite that wording.

-Terry
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I've seen variations of it but never quite that wording.

I've actually seen that wording, but the last time was before widespread use of email, when these things used to circulate by photocopy. Imagine! :-)

Foolishjk
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No. of Recommendations: 1
"The Ford Explorer, for your 'offroad' adventures......"
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No. of Recommendations: 0
Obviously slogans such as Educate, Amuse and Enrich; "Learning Together"; and "Fool On" have to be revisited every once in a while. Let's offer some suggestions"


Based on some of the TMF antics:

The Motley Fool: To Eradicate, Alienate, and Enrage.

--------------------------------------------------------

But let's not forget the poster's part in this:

"Whining together"


--------------------------------------------------------

And of course the famous "sign" off

"Fool on"..."Over to another web site you ingrateful baster..."

All in jest, of course.
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No. of Recommendations: 0
To Eradicate, Abuse and Inflict.

JB
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No. of Recommendations: 9
"The Ford Explorer....let's roll!"
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No. of Recommendations: 3
Ford: Where quality is job 1....and putting out the fires is job 2.
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No. of Recommendations: 1
Microsoft: Your passwords are safe with us. After you apply security patch 101, 102, 103... 1001.

Microsoft: It use to be the phone company knew everything!

Enron: Your government working to make a buck!

Republicans: The democrats aren't the only one that want to bang everyone!

Oh please stop me...

Oprah Magazine: You've got the books, now get the reviews!

CIA: Where's the beef! Don't get it? Check the code book.

The Street: Life's hard lessons are learned on the street (http://www.thestreet.com/).

Enough == Enough

(c) Copyright BitFoolish 2002 - All Rights Reserved.
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No. of Recommendations: 2
Jackson Hewitt Tax Service

Service is our last name.
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