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Updating now, Wednesday night.

I think there must be a full moon, but I am calming down from being irritated, furious, stressed out from the four hours though earlier I was fabulous. I'm just at that spot in my stress level. And I am still up online when lately I have been successful usually going to bed early most nights, but still up because of the agitation.

Briefly the Boy returned returned abruptly on Tuesday evening, but left after a few hours. Then earlier tonight about four hours ago, my doorbell rang. I thought it was The Boy again, but no. This time, it was The Daughter (as she identifies herself with me). In brief, she is one of the other kids who has stayed with me. She just needs to stay for a night because she is going to get readmitted to a short-term rehab tomorrow morning. A lot more to her story, and how irritating she was to me tonight, but she is reliable about leaving when she says she will.

The odd thing is that earlier today, I was pretty happy about something. Another kid who had stayed with me for a few months while he looked for an apartment (he gets full benefits including paid housing, if he looks for his own) just moved in today at noon to his new, first apartment. My current long-term kid (very stable and easy to get along with, the most amenable) had gone to help give him in general. I had talked to them by phone and was eager to give some assistance, tips, for his first place, including offering to go shopping with him tomorrow (Thursday) for groceries with his food stamps account. This kid is clueless about how to manage money and budget that he makes me look like a money maven in comparison.

You may wonder who, why and how about all these kids. The short answer is that I made friends with a few of the many homeless kids I've met in the past. This particular circle of kids are a demographic that pulled my heart strings, roughly described as children (though now young adults) who suffered severe childhood abuse issues and mental illness problems (all have at least anxiety problems, most have depression or bipolar disorder, but several also have significant personality disorders). A couple of them are friends of the aforementioned demographic, but still struggling with additional, or overlapping problems (including drug addiction, alcoholism, HIV+, violence, incarceration).

And you would think in a big city like the big apple, there would be a million resources and millions of dollars (even during peak economic times), but there aren't. I know because I've contacted them, or learned as much as I can. What limited services that are available typically have a waiting list, or refer only to jail or hospitals. I refer them constantly to various resources, but they typically have a severe mistrust of government and other resources (a notable exception is The Daughter who is with me tonight).

I know I should say "no" for my own stability and mental health, but for these kids, they have typically ended up in jail, or a hospital if they don't have anywhere to go. I am lucky so far none have died, but it is an issue I fear I'll have to deal with eventually. I have said fiercely and sharply "no" to a few, the ones I consider to be sadly so severely psychotic, out-of-control, or dangerously easy to mentally trigger to be in the same space (though two of three actually stayed here briefly, but that was how I realized how disturbed they were).
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