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Author: intercst Big funky green star, 20000 posts Top Favorite Fools Top Recommended Fools Feste Award Nominee! Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: of 736528  
Subject: Corporate Lingo Date: 3/10/2000 10:46 PM
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Received this today from a former colleague.

intercst

_____________________________________________-

CLARIFICATION OF CORPORATE LINGO

"COMPETITIVE SALARY:" We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:" We have no time to train you.

"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:" We don't pay enough to expect that you'll
dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED:" You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:" Some time each night and some time each weekend.

"DUTIES WILL VARY:" Anyone in the office can boss you around.

"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL:" We have no quality control.

"CAREER-MINDED:" Female Applicants must be childless (and remain
that way).

"APPLY IN PERSON:" If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.

"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE:" We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE:" You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:" You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS:" You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:" Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.


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Author: CindyC72 Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 5881 of 736528
Subject: Re: Corporate Lingo Date: 3/10/2000 11:35 PM
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Ohhhhhh, too funny!! And sadly, sooooooo true!

"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED:" You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

This hit a smidge too close to home - at the company I am at now, I literally got there, and suddenly it was, "oh, by the way, your billing group is anywhere from two to six months behind on invoicing." Acckkk!!! And oh lordy, what a mess to try and fix. And during my first few months there, it was discovered that the accounts receivable situation was kind of messed up across the board. I still think the CFO is subconsciously associating my showing up with everything "going wrong" (more like hidden messes finally surfacing) and that is probably why she still kind of looks at me a little strange every time she sees me.

Fortunately, thanks to a reorganization (you don't hear those words too often, do you?), I am not in that particular job anymore (actually, it doesn't exist anymore), but I did tell one of the higher ups, if I had known how messed up that invoicing situation was, there is no way I would have taken the job to begin with.

Cindy

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Author: duggg Big red star, 1000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 5889 of 736528
Subject: Re: Corporate Lingo Date: 3/11/2000 10:17 AM
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Intercst wrote,

"DUTIES WILL VARY:" Anyone in the office can boss you around.

"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:" Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.


My personal favorite addition is:

"MUST BE SELF-MOTIVATED:" Your bosses are too busy to actually tell you what needs to be done. But do it anyway. The sooner, the better.

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Author: azholmes Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 6418 of 736528
Subject: Re: Corporate Lingo Date: 3/19/2000 10:44 PM
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My Fav (at my former company):

"MUST BE ABLE TO TOLERATE AMBIGUITY:" I never did figure this one out, and no one would tell me what it meant. ;) Seriously, this is (was?) an important skill in my ex-job.

Dealing with a much better ambiguity now,
azholmes.


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Author: hocus Big red star, 1000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 6491 of 736528
Subject: Re: Corporate Lingo Date: 3/20/2000 10:39 AM
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"MUST BE ABLE TO TOLERATE AMBIGUITY:" I never did figure this one out, and no one would tell me what it meant. ;) Seriously, this is (was?) an important skill in my ex-job.

I've had some personal experience with this "skill" myself. It means, when someone lies to you, there's no look of surprise in your expression.



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Author: luvmylife One star, 50 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 6537 of 736528
Subject: Re: Corporate Lingo Date: 3/20/2000 3:14 PM
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hocus writes:

"MUST BE ABLE TO TOLERATE AMBIGUITY:" It means, when someone lies to you, there's no look of surprise in
your expression.


Love your posts! I just returned from the local IRS office where I was attempting to fathom form 8606. I needed a good laugh! Thanks!


luvylife
becoming less and less Mensa-qualified with each passing tax season

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Author: jpkiljan One star, 50 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 6635 of 736528
Subject: Re: Corporate Lingo Date: 3/21/2000 2:59 PM
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"MUST BE ABLE TO TOLERATE AMBIGUITY:" I never did figure this one out, and no one would tell me what it
meant. ;) Seriously, this is (was?) an important skill in my ex-job.

Years ago, when I worked as an engineer for a very large aircraft manufacturer, I had a supervisor who was famous for equivocating on every decision that had to be made. Another engineer asked "Well, Art, do you ever have trouble making decisions?" "Well, yes and no." he answered.

-- John

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