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Author: dreamdoc Big red star, 1000 posts Old School Fool CAPS All Star Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: of 32852  
Subject: Crazy First Date... or not... ? Date: 8/21/2009 8:32 PM
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So last week I connected with a guy who I was willing to meet. (Met online bla bla, several emails, talked on the phone then decided he was not a serila killer.) He seemed like a really nice guy!

So on the dat e day...

He called I called thenn he emailed but I din't get it... so I was waiting and he dodn't call again. Apparently work got crazy and he wasn;t able to meet me. But he didn't bother to call or tell me? Am I crazy for not want ing to see this guy now? Was it too much to ask for him to call me to let me know that we weren't going to dinner???

Am I crazy? Has anyone else had a similar story?

It's been so long since I had a first date I don;t know what to expect...

Is this normal???

Sleepless in Cali
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Author: AAAAmanda Big red star, 1000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 32789 of 32852
Subject: Re: Crazy First Date... or not... ? Date: 8/22/2009 4:35 AM
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DO NOT GO OUT WITH THAT YAHOO - EVER.

Yes, I know that is considered shouting in cyberspace, I meant to do that.

Here is what everyone keeps forgetting about first dates: Everyone is trying like he11 to impress the other person. They are trying to look good, smell good, be witty and charming. The first date is where folks do their level best to SHINE.

And how has he shined? By letting an e-mail do his speaking for him and not confirming that you knew that he wouldn't be able to make it and wasn't actually standing you up. That was litterally the best that he could do.

If you go out with this guy, you will have declaired that this type of behavior is acceptable to you. You will have told him that you will respond to technilogical time bombs without holding him responsible in any way.

I have found from personal experience that the thing that causes me to break up with a guy is present in the very first date. Without exception. I even had a relationship with a guy in which our first date never happened (sound familiar?), but I gave him a second chance because I wanted to be "nice."

Unless you have unlimited time to waste getting the digital run around in the future, don't bother.

4A

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Author: dreamdoc Big red star, 1000 posts Old School Fool CAPS All Star Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 32790 of 32852
Subject: Re: Crazy First Date... or not... ? Date: 8/23/2009 1:43 AM
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AAAAAManda,

Thanks for your perspective... I feel the same way. But sometimes I wonder if I close a door to quickly. (In other words, maybe I am too picky...) I am generally happy with my life, though at 50 I am beginning to feel like I would like a companion for travel, events and activities, etc...

But I appreciate the notion that a person;s first behavior is representative of their behavior...


Julie

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Author: AAAAmanda Big red star, 1000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 32791 of 32852
Subject: Re: Crazy First Date... or not... ? Date: 8/23/2009 6:05 AM
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But sometimes I wonder if I close a door to quickly. (In other words, maybe I am too picky...)

Here's the thing, yes, you are shutting the door quickly. Yes, you are being picky. And my point is... so what?

I have had numerous bad relationships. I thank God that I had the sense not to marry any of them. People told me that I was being too picky. I believe that this "too picky" B.S. comes straight from our cultural baggage wherein a women was literally nothing (couldn't own property, etc.) without a man. In those circumstances you married where you could and made the best of it. No one was particularly interested if your relationship with your husband was personally fulfilling. What did that have to do with it?

Since we no longer need men to define us in any way shape or form, we now chose mates based purely on what we as individuals value. And that's how it should be. After all, it isn't society that has to stay up all night wondering if he's out with that woman again. Society doesn't have to deal with a denuded bank account and feelings of worthlessness. You do what you have to do to find Mr. Right. Not Mr. If-I-Squint-My-Eyes-And-Tilt-My-Head-To-The-Side-He's-Sorta-Okay.

4A

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Author: LCKitten Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 32792 of 32852
Subject: Re: Crazy First Date... or not... ? Date: 8/25/2009 3:59 PM
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I have found from personal experience that the thing that causes me to break up with a guy is present in the very first date.

Holy cow... you're right.

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Author: malibu114 Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool CAPS All Star Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 32794 of 32852
Subject: Re: Crazy First Date... or not... ? Date: 8/28/2009 1:58 PM
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I have found from personal experience that the thing that causes me to break up with a guy is present in the very first date.

Hmmm, interesting. My BF and I are having a real rough time of late and I honestly don't know how it's going to work out for us. We never had a first date, but am curious to know if any of these issues would have been present back then.

Donna

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Author: whafa Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 32795 of 32852
Subject: Re: Crazy First Date... or not... ? Date: 8/28/2009 3:26 PM
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Hmmm, interesting. My BF and I are having a real rough time of late and I honestly don't know how it's going to work out for us. We never had a first date, but am curious to know if any of these issues would have been present back then.


You've never gone on a date with him?

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Author: malibu114 Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool CAPS All Star Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 32796 of 32852
Subject: Re: Crazy First Date... or not... ? Date: 8/28/2009 3:58 PM
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You've never gone on a date with him?

Technically, no.

When we met we were both dating others at the time, but we became freinds and stayed that way for over a year. Then one day we were hanging out when we both happened to be single at the same time, and hooked up. Afterwards we were like "We should be together", and have been ever since.

Donna

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Author: whafa Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 32797 of 32852
Subject: Re: Crazy First Date... or not... ? Date: 8/28/2009 4:12 PM
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I see.

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Author: AAAAmanda Big red star, 1000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 32798 of 32852
Subject: Re: Crazy First Date... or not... ? Date: 8/29/2009 5:11 AM
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Technically, no.

So you just sort of fell into the relationship? Been there too.

If you want to do an experiment for no particular reason, why don't you try to have that first date now? You set it up, let him know days ahead of time that you've planned this thing for the two of you. Tell him to be ready, and then see what happens.

Some memorable first dates for me:

Called his ex- the "Dragon Lady" and insulted and complained about her the entire evening.

Called to confirm time and place, and then just never showed up. Or called.


For some reason, these hit my radar and I managed to cut it off there.

Never showed up because he forgot to set his alarm clock for his nap. Never apologized for standing me up either.

Showed up slightly tipsy. Spent half of the evening talking to other people on his cell phone and ignoring me. Made audible scathing comments about the people around us.


These yahoos I decided to get involved with (“why” is still beyond me). Everything you really need to know about a person is right there during the first date - you just have to pay attention. The first guy was as self-centered as they come, with no consideration for my feelings at all. The second guy was an alcoholic, inordinately proud of his intelligence, who ended up fooling around on me. Slightly distorted, it was all there from the word go.

As for your current relationship, only you can decide which way it's going to go. But I would ask you three things: does he share your goals, is he kind, and do you laugh together? I have found those three to be the breaking points for me.

If he does not share your goals then you are two horses pulling in two different directions, each of you getting nowhere. It is frustrating and ultimately, a time waster. Kindness matters. Someone who belittles you, injures your self esteem, or tries to separate you from your friends and family, is not someone who is healthy to be with. And lastly, I have found that if I cannot laugh with someone, I am either too bored or too miserable. Either way, it's not a recommendation for the relationship.

I’m not a relationship expert by any means, but I’ve been around the block so many times that I’m getting dizzy. I haven’t figured out how to hold on to a guy for more than a year, but I’ve learned how to weed out what I DON’T want and save myself some wasted time.

The first date matters.

4A

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Author: Joelsenior Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 32799 of 32852
Subject: Re: Crazy First Date... or not... ? Date: 8/29/2009 7:38 PM
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though at 50 I am beginning to feel like I would like a companion for travel, events and activities, etc...

Julie


50 yikes!
joelsenior

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Author: Joelsenior Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 32800 of 32852
Subject: Re: Crazy First Date... or not... ? Date: 8/29/2009 7:42 PM
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We never had a first date, but am curious to know if any of these issues would have been present back then.

Donna


How did you never have a first date?
joelsenior

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Author: Joelsenior Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 32801 of 32852
Subject: Re: Crazy First Date... or not... ? Date: 8/29/2009 7:45 PM
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Then one day we were hanging out when we both happened to be single at the same time, and hooked up. Afterwards we were like "We should be together", and have been ever since.

Donna


That's what you say to a chick you were hanging out with
until you could start nailing

It will never last

Joelsenior

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Author: R0TJob Big funky green star, 20000 posts Top Favorite Fools Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 32802 of 32852
Subject: Re: Crazy First Date... or not... ? Date: 8/31/2009 10:20 AM
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Hmmm, interesting. My BF and I are having a real rough time of late and I honestly don't know how it's going to work out for us. We never had a first date, but am curious to know if any of these issues would have been present back then.



If you do break up, I've got dibs on him.

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Author: malibu114 Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool CAPS All Star Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 32803 of 32852
Subject: Re: Crazy First Date... or not... ? Date: 8/31/2009 11:41 AM
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That doesn't surprise me. You two are peas in a pod.

All kidding aside, we are really making an effort to keep it together. Therapy session went well, so keep your fingers crossed.

Donna

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Author: R0TJob Big funky green star, 20000 posts Top Favorite Fools Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 32804 of 32852
Subject: Re: Crazy First Date... or not... ? Date: 8/31/2009 1:10 PM
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All kidding aside, we are really making an effort to keep it together. Therapy session went well, so keep your fingers crossed.


That's good. Fingers are crossed for you both. Just remind him that having putheh available is a lot better than not.

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Author: texasmart One star, 50 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 32805 of 32852
Subject: Re: Crazy First Date... or not... ? Date: 8/31/2009 5:38 PM
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As for your current relationship, only you can decide which way it's going to go. But I would ask you three things: does he share your goals, is he kind, and do you laugh together? I have found those three to be the breaking points for me.

I really need to print this out and post it on my mirror! Currently taking a break from relationships, though. The last one was just too strange.

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Author: AAAAmanda Big red star, 1000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 32806 of 32852
Subject: Re: Crazy First Date... or not... ? Date: 9/1/2009 7:55 AM
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Currently taking a break from relationships, though. The last one was just too strange.

Okay, I'm nosey.

Define "strange."

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Author: R0TJob Big funky green star, 20000 posts Top Favorite Fools Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 32807 of 32852
Subject: Re: Crazy First Date... or not... ? Date: 9/1/2009 8:51 AM
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Okay, I'm nosey.

Define "strange."



strange /stre?nd?/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [streynj]
adjective, strang·er, strang·est, adverb
–adjective
1. unusual, extraordinary, or curious; odd; queer: a strange remark to make.
2. estranged, alienated, etc., as a result of being out of one's natural environment: In Bombay I felt strange.
3. situated, belonging, or coming from outside of one's own locality; foreign: to move to a strange place; strange religions.
4. outside of one's previous experience; hitherto unknown; unfamiliar: strange faces; strange customs.
5. unaccustomed to or inexperienced in; unacquainted (usually fol. by to): I'm strange to this part of the job.
6. distant or reserved; shy.

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Author: joseph714 Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 32808 of 32852
Subject: Re: Crazy First Date... or not... ? Date: 9/1/2009 10:17 AM
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People are strange when youre a stranger
Faces look ugly when youre alone
Women seem wicked when youre unwanted
Streets are uneven when youre down
When youre strange
Faces come out of the rain
When youre strange
No one remembers your name
When youre strange x3
People are strange when youre a stranger
Faces look ugly when youre alone
Women seem wicked when youre unwanted
Streets are uneven when youre down
When youre strange
Faces come out of the rain
When youre strange
No one remembers your name
When youre strange x3
When youre strange
Faces come out of the rain
When youre strange
No one remembers your name
When youre strange x3

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Author: malibu114 Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool CAPS All Star Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 32809 of 32852
Subject: Re: Crazy First Date... or not... ? Date: 9/1/2009 1:28 PM
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If you want to do an experiment for no particular reason, why don't you try to have that first date now? You set it up, let him know days ahead of time that you've planned this thing for the two of you. Tell him to be ready, and then see what happens.

Heh, I can almost guarantee I'd be the one that somehow flakes. I'm just no good with making plans.

As for your current relationship, only you can decide which way it's going to go. But I would ask you three things: does he share your goals, is he kind, and do you laugh together? I have found those three to be the breaking points for me.

I have all three of those qualities, plus in my current relationship, hence why I'm willing to put in the effort to make it work.

Donna

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Author: malibu114 Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool CAPS All Star Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 32810 of 32852
Subject: Re: Crazy First Date... or not... ? Date: 9/1/2009 1:33 PM
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That's what you say to a chick you were hanging out with
until you could start nailing


I knew he wanted to have sex with me when I met him, so I don't see your point.

It will never last

It's been 4 and 1/2 years so far. When should I expect the end?

Donna

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Author: R0TJob Big funky green star, 20000 posts Top Favorite Fools Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 32811 of 32852
Subject: Re: Crazy First Date... or not... ? Date: 9/1/2009 1:39 PM
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I have all three of those qualities, plus in my current relationship, hence why I'm willing to put in the effort to make it work.



You're basically dating a slightly less good looking version of me. You damn well better put effort into making it work. Guys like us don't grow on trees, ya know?

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Author: malibu114 Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool CAPS All Star Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 32812 of 32852
Subject: Re: Crazy First Date... or not... ? Date: 9/2/2009 6:00 PM
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Guys like us don't grow on trees, ya know?

Yes, I know.

Donna

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Author: anuvaka Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 32813 of 32852
Subject: Re: Crazy First Date... or not... ? Date: 10/23/2009 1:52 AM
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a late reply...


ya know, there are some people who are "in demand" in a crisis situation. Sure, there may be someone more qualified, but someone one site might be able to handle it.

Did he call and beg off? Was the excuse plausible?

Give him a second try if it looks reasonable. If he just dis'd you, the dreaded 'no reply' is better.

I agree with AAAmanda, if you get the short shift there may be no future, but I disagree to cut him off after one screw up. Find out why. Another screw up means *excuses* or too much time on the job.But you Do deserve prior warning. Not sure he did so on your first date.

just 1MO
jC

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