Dear Melissa,I can't begin to express my feelings today. When you sang your solo tonight you never turned and looked at me so you missed the tears that were running down my cheeks. You didn't see the pride in my eyes. You didn't see the joy I felt as I listened to you sing with confidence. All day long I've been thinking back over time, thinking about the first time I held you in my arms. The first time I looked in your crystal blue eyes and knew that from that moment in time I was your Mom. Remembering the first time you spent the night at your Aunt's house. How I only got 100 feet out of her house and the guilt I felt for leaving you there. It was only for one night but it was an eternity to me. I called every hour until your Aunt threatened me with my very life. I remember the time I accidentally locked you in the apartment and ended up calling the police to break down the door. When I raced past the officer to find you covered in blood, the fear, the terror that went through my heart and the relief when we found it was just a small cut on your little pinky. The inadequacy I felt as a parent at that moment. I called your Grandmother to come and get you. I told her I was not fit to be a parent and she had to do it. She came and told me stories of my childhood to make me realize I was your mother and no matter what we were in this for the long haul.I remember the pure happiness you seemed to feel when you would dance and sing with your Barney videos. You would get so excited when you got all the words right.I remember the first day of Kindergarten in Montana. You took off like a shot, no looking back. I wasn't ready to let you go, but you were so ready to fly on your own.The confidence you tried to show every time we had to change schools from moving. But I also saw the fear you tried to hide when we told you we would be moving again.I remember the long bus trip here, how well you behaved despite the fact we had just turned your life upside down. Made you leave all your friends and everything you knew. How you wanted to go to school the very next morning. How eager you were to start anew and make new friends. The stability you so desperately wanted and seemed to have finally found here.Now I have the memory of you singing your very first solo. I have the memory of you practicing so hard for the 3 weeks before hand, of you making yourself so nervous the morning of the concert that you fainted, the memory of you standing by the microphone looking so confident and proud that you were chosen. I have the memory of you making me the proudest mother in that auditorium and wanting to stand up and cheer and yell, “THAT'S MY BABY!”But you have to promise me one thing. YOU CAN NEVER DO THIS AGAIN! MY NERVES CAN'T TAKE IT! :)Love,Your Mommy Okay, just kidding on that last line........... I think ;-)
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