Diary of a Tooth Brush Lying Ho

11:22 p.m. Long hard day. Too tired to wait for Mr. Wonderful to decide it's bedtime for both of us, so I secretly enter bedroom.
11:24 p.m. Oops! Forgot to brush my teeth! Get up, hurry to bathroom, find toothbrush, put the required (by him) amount of toothpaste on brush. Brush teeth for required (by him) amount of time.
11:30 p.m. Remember that he had a fit and threw my great-great grandmother's vase through the window the last time I left my wet toothbrush out on the bathroom countertop. Go back to bathroom, wipe off toothbrush. It's not dry enough, I just know it!
Get out hairdryer. Thoroughly dry toothbrush, place back in holder. Return to bed.
12:24 p.m. Awakened from sound sleep where I was dreaming of running freely (and alone) through open fields by nudging of sharp elbow of Mr. Wonderful. He says something about my toothbrush. I say yes so he'll stop nudging me and I can return to running in the fields. He asks again. I say yes again. He asks again. I say no, thinking this must be the answer he's looking for.
1 to 3 a.m. Make a sandwich of my own head between pillows to block out sounds of endless crashing in bathroom.
9 a.m. Pick up phone to call therapist because Mr. Wonderful says I'm a liar and need help.
9:01 a.m. Idea comes to me. I'm not in need of therapy. He is.
9 to noon Locate new place to live.
1 to 5 p.m. Friends help move my stuff elsewhere.
6 to 9 p.m. Have dinner and drinks with friends.
11 p.m. to 8 a.m. Get best night of sleep since I met Mr. Wonderful