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Which is exactly what it feels like.

I mean, I knew I would have to quit if the sale didn't go down, but at no time did I expect the sale not to go down. Even after the sale didn't go down, I was trying to think of ways to make the sale go down. And it still didn't. I can't remember the last time I wanted anything so badly and worked at it so hard and sincerely and still had it fail so miserably. Okay, I'm lying, I can, but it was 20 years ago and it was a fcuking divorce.

Now the seller, the Founding Sensei, is back in charge, and he's promoting his 19 year old cousin to sensei this coming Sunday with no "required" investment, no skin in the game, no frigging nothing, hey, he's family, right? And I am looking around for a free mat on which to train the few people who are loyal to me personally, and feeling like I just pulled a chunk of my lungs out through my mouth with a soup spoon.

I worked for over four months to try to make that deal right - to try to fix stuff that I was told would be included and wasn't, to try to negotiate things that I was supposed to already be paying for that were suddenly not in the contract. And I went through all this just to find myself screwed out of the only job in my life that I have ever really loved.

I'm angry and sad and self-pitying and angry. I'm angry twice because I have one for him and one for me, because even though I saw this coming I still feel like I got hit by a bus. I feel as though I have been cheated out of something I loved - just like a real divorce.

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When Life Gives You Lemons
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