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Author: AussieKez Big gold star, 5000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: of 78  
Subject: Do you feel like me? Date: 1/17/2002 2:56 AM
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For what it's worth!!...
I created this Board a few months ago and I suppose I have touched on a very delicate subject. It must be! as very few people in this time are prepared to 'open up'

Perhaps I can blab my life and experience of which I really hope others will follow. It will be for selfish purposes as I would love support and not feel so alone. I would also love to give support.
I created this board to share and gain more insight to this horrible disease and addiction
YES!! It is a disease/addiction. No different to smoking, drug taking or obsession with a continual habit that can make us feel we are crazy.

This is a Quitting Gambling board so I will focus on that.
Perhaps I should have been healed more before creating this but once again I have 'jumped the gun'

My Story,

I have been gambling since I was introduced to poker machines (slot machines) at the age of 14. I am now almost 45.
For the first 10 years, and I can only see it now, the only time I made a B-line to the club was when I felt overwhelmed with a situation I couldn't cope with at the time.
I was only young then and don't we all wish we could keep that energy forever.

Well, life deals some pretty rotten cards sometimes and in my case, the gambling became a progressive outlet.
I would be too afraid to have the dollar figures thrown at me that I have gambled.

Now!! Don't get me wrong. A lot of the time I have enjoyed my days blowing dollar after dollar but it is the chasing the DOLLAR and the end of the day that brings us back to reality.

MIND ESCAPE

Do you feel like you are escaping your problems whilst you are gambling. Acknowledging that it is only a temporary fix and hoping and hoping so badly that you win.
I do!!! And sometimes I do win but how old does a person have to get to put the win/lose on the scales and see the losses weigh so much more..
How much does a person have to lose before they lose everything?

One month ago I banned myself from one of the clubs here for 6 months. Today I see another door with another club and entered it.
I went there with the food money and money for the week approx. $400
I won 1 x $100 and 1 x $150 and at one stage I was in front.
I came home with nothing.

Today I realise how progressive this habit/addiction is. After a month of “being a good girl” I lost direction more than ever before.
I would never have gambled the food money before and here I am admitting it.

NEXT STEP

There is counselling (I reject that right now) There is family (if you haven't lost them by now) and thank god I still have mine JUST!!!
And….there is this board. Open but private. I don't know what else to say.

I have been active on the 'Quitting Smoko' board and the support has been a gift.
Maybe that can happen here also. If not!!! That's OK too.

I will be doing some research into this and hope to get myself well and in the mean time hope I can reach out my hand to others that can identify with some of what I have written.

I am tired right now. I feel really bad. Tomorrow is another day and it can only get better if I choose. YES! I choose that.

Kerri






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