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So we're planning our first child. Pretty soon here. I am terrified.

OK, I'm not terrified yet, because I'm not pregnant yet. I'm more like ... just really nervous. Terrified will kick in as soon as I find out I am pregnant and "there's no turning back".

I have this really horrible fear about giving birth. I don't even know exactly why. It just scares the hell out of me. There's a whole list of stuff that scares me about it, ranging from "too much pain" to "I'll be disgusted by the whole thing" to "I'll dislike the baby when it comes because it caused all that pain" to "I'll be a disgrace because I won't handle the pain well". And on and on.

Anyway, I know that "terrified" will kick in because I was pregnant. I had a miscarriage in April. Even though the pregnancy was unplanned, hubby was very very excited when we found out. I was excited, too, but also terrified. Just completely freaked out by the whole thing. To the point where excited took a total back seat.

I'm not at all convinced that my fear didn't cause the miscarriage. I would really like (before we get pregnant again) to address it somewhat.

So you guys could help in a couple of ways.

(1) Anybody else experience this? How did you work it out?

(2) Convince me I'm wrong, that this, in fact, won't be the most horrible experience of my life. I'm not a huge infant fan, so the "end result" of "this cute tiny thing" probably isn't going to do it.


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