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Author: SaintCroix Big red star, 1000 posts CAPS All Star Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: of 3  
Subject: F.O.B. Date: 10/25/2004 11:16 AM
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INSERT

A party invitation. Goblins and ghouls decorate the invite. It reads, “Boo! Come to Paul and Victor's house for Halloween, and we'll party like it's 1999. Cause it is. Saturday, October 29, 8:00 p.m.”

INT. BEDROOM -- MORNING

Simone, 25, lays in bed asleep. She's pretty but disheveled. Harsh clanging noises come from the hallway closet. The noise ceases.

After a moment, super loud clanging and banging and crashing sounds come from the hallway closet.

Simone puts the pillow over her head.

CHARLES (O.S.)
Monica...

The bedroom fills with cigar smoke. Simone can't breath under the pillow. She emerges, with her hand over her nose and mouth.

SIMONE
What are you doing?

Her husband, CHARLES, 30, stands in his pajamas, wearing a Bill Clinton mask and holding a very smelly cigar. He tosses a Monica Lewinsky mask and a purple beret at his wife.

BILL CLINTON
I did not have sexual relations
with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky.
My cigar, on the other hand...

Charles puffs on his stogie under his mask, and has a coughing fit. Simone puts on her Monica mask.

MONICA LEWINSKY
Mr. President, why are you
smoking my cigar?

Charles looks at the lit cigar in his hand.

BILL CLINTON
Oh, yeah. That was dumb.

MONICA LEWINSKY
He's like two inches now.

BILL CLINTON
That's why you don't inhale!

Bill and Monica laugh.

INT. FRONT DOOR OF HOUSE -- NIGHT

PAUL, 29, a flamboyantly gay vampire, opens the door. He's wearing fake vampire teeth. Behind him the party is raging. Fog swirls at his feet.

PAUL
Bill! Monica! It's so good to
see you. Thanks for coming to
our little soiree. And don't
worry, no one will bite you.

Monica gives Paul a hug.

MONICA
Hi, Paul.

PAUL
I love your beret.

As the two enter the house, a zombie makes a mad dash towards Bill Clinton.

ZOMBIE
Aiiiiiiiieeee!

INT. MAIN ROOM -- NIGHT

The room is packed with people in costumes. In one corner sits a coffin. Fog covers everyone's ankles. Random body parts are strewn about. Paul leads Bill and Monica towards the buffet table.

PAUL
You see we have lots of special
treats.

On the buffet table sits a kitty litter box full of what appears to be cat poop (tootsie rolls) sitting in cat litter (graham crackers).

Paul picks up two smoking drinks, with crazy straws, and hands them to Bill and Monica.

PAUL (CONT'D)
As well as one of my favorite
mysterious elixirs. But be
careful, it's very potent.

As Bill and Monica slurp down the elixir, Paul hisses with vampire delight.

PAUL (CONT'D)
I must take my leave of you now.
Other guests will be arriving.
I must be at the ready.

Paul vanishes.

A man in underwear sprints through the party, almost knocking down Bill Clinton. Bill stares after the running man.

Monica sees someone she knows. She hands Bill her drink and walks after the woman, waving.

INT. SECOND ROOM -- NIGHT

A robot dances next to the wall.

Bill strolls through the party, carrying both drinks and looking at all the odd people.

Two twins, both dressed like Alice in Wonderland, drink their smoking drinks simultaneously.

Bill stops in front of a man, sitting in a chair. The man looks up. He's an ALIEN with bug eyes.

ALIEN
(alien language)
You caught me at a bad time.

INT. THIRD ROOM -- NIGHT

Monica grabs the arm of the woman she thinks she knows. The woman turns around. It's a man in drag.

MONICA
Oh. Sorry.

INT. SECOND ROOM -- NIGHT

Bill stands by himself as people walk by. He slurps from his drink. Then he slurps from his wife's drink. SNOOPY, 25, stands next to Bill.

SNOOPY
Have you tried the cat shit?
It's delicious.

INT. MAIN ROOM -- NIGHT

Bill Clinton scoops up a big pile of cat poop and cat litter onto a paper plate. Monica pats him on the ass.

As Bill looks at her, Monica pulls up a pair of purple panties, and shows them to Mr. President.

Bill sets the plate down on the table.

INT. OUTSIDE BATHROOM DOOR -- NIGHT

After making sure they are unobserved, Bill opens the bathroom door for Monica. Both sneak inside.

INT. BATHROOM -- NIGHT

Bill and Monica do it standing up in the tub.

BILL
Friend of Bill, Friend of Bill,
Friend of Bill.

MONICA
Oh! Oh!

BILL
Mah! Mah! Oh!

INT. MAIN ROOM -- NIGHT

Monica stands in front of the buffet table, putting a pile of food on a paper plate. Bill Clinton walks up and hugs her from behind.

BILL
We ought to have more quickies!

Monica pushes Bill away.

MONICA
Get off me!

Monica turns and sees that it's Bill Clinton. Seeing the mistake, she takes off her mask. It's CAROLINE KAPINSKY, 26.

CAROLINE
You've got the wrong Monica.

Charles takes off his mask, and stares at the woman.

CHARLES
Uh-oh.

Charles looks out at the party. He sees a new Monica.

CHARLES
Whoa.

He whips his head to the left and sees yet another Monica.

CHARLES
Oooooooooo.

He goes back and forth between the two Monicas.

CHARLES
Oh. Shit.

Yet another Monica gooses Charles from behind.

MONICA
I'm so sweaty!

She pulls off her mask. It's Simone.

SIMONE
Sweetheart, that was fantastic.
The best ever. You dirty boy.

Charles is overcome with relief.

CHARLES
Oh, thank God! You know, for a
second...I'm so glad to see you!

Charles hugs his wife passionately.

SIMONE
We just saw each other two
minutes ago!

CHARLES
I know.

SIMONE
It's so kinky with the masks.

CHARLES
Amazing.

SIMONE
Why did you run away? I had to
pick up all the broken dishes.

CHARLES
Dishes?

INT. KITCHEN -- NIGHT -- FLASHBACK

Bill Clinton has sex with Monica Lewinsky on the floor. Some dishes fall and break.

INT. MAIN ROOM -- NIGHT

Charles and Simone stare at each other.

SIMONE
The dishes...in the kitchen...

CHARLES
I was in...a bathtub...

The two slowly stare out at the party. Charles sees a Bill Clinton, then another Bill Clinton.

ANGLE ON

A Bill Clinton bobble-head doll, grinning and bobbing his head.

CHARLES (V.O.)
I really hate that guy.

Maniacal monster laughter as we...

FADE OUT

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