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Last Thanksgiving sucked, to put it mildly. I know it was much worse for you. I know this because when my brother was insane and telling me there were secret messages in your suicide note saying they all knew and were out to get him, he forced me to read it. I didn't want to read your suicide note. I had my hands full taking care of my brother and trying to convince him to go to the hospital and trying to stop him from taking his own life. I wanted to be angry with you. The only way I could deal with it all at the time and do what I had to do was to be angry with you.

After that, I shoved you, your death and everything that happened after to the back of my mind. Little bits seeped out at times but mostly you stayed there, away. I chased it away with anger.

Imagine my surprise to find tears on my face this morning for you. Not anger, just sadness. I am glad now that I read your note. I know how badly you were hurting and how you felt there was no way out. I just wish with all my heart I could go back and somehow change things. I wish I could have known the magic words to say or the one right thing to do that would have helped. I am so sorry that you hurt so much and so sad that you are not here waiting for the one thing that may have made it better.
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When Life Gives You Lemons
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