Here in Austin we have a wonderful support group for recent widows/widowers called For Love of Christi.The name comes from a teenage girl who was killed by a drunk driver several years ago, and the group was established by her family.I attended the group when my husband first passed away and found a great deal of support and solace there.The group had a complete library on grief, death and dying and subjects relative to the process of losing a loved one.In an era where widows/widowers groups can be exploitative, For Love of Christi was a refreshing lighthouse during the dark days of my DH's passing.We greeted the group with the same greeting, "I'm Cat and I'm here for the love of Quincy." Then I had a few minutes to discuss whatever I wanted to relevant to my situation.Blessings,Cathy "Cat"
The group had a complete library on grief, death and dying and subjects relative to the process of losing a loved one.Another group (online) that was a great resource to me was widownet.org They have several mailing lists as well as other links that are very helpful after losing a spouse.Abba
I read widownet.org posts for awhile, and found them comforting, as well as this board and the death and grieving TMF board, which is dormant at the moment.I also spent some time with the local widows group, but that group tended to be mostly a senior citizens group with somewhat different issues and time schedules than working folks.A local grief counseling group, associated with hospice I think, has an annual "getting through the holidays" session for those recently bereaved. I think I went three years in a row after my DH died. As I mentioned before, I'm coming up on 14 years for that, but nevertheless the last two years have been rough, with the passing of my mother and sister, so I may go to that holiday session again this year, as the Thanksgiving to Christmas period is when it is most painfully obvious that so much of my family is gone.Of course, sooner or later everyone joins "the club" and understands, but I have found that in the meantime an office full of younger folks who have been lucky enough to not face these issues is, for the most part, an office full of people who think one should just "deal with it and move on." Generally speaking, it's my impression that they get uncomfortable, and think I'm being morbid, if I even occasionally reminisce about those who are gone. That said, I think I go through most of my days in an upbeat manner, and, for that matter, consider my life and memories all the richer for those who have gone before me, and happier for the memories. "Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all!"RDW
Generally speaking, it's my impression that they get uncomfortable, and think I'm being morbid, if I even occasionally reminisce about those who are gone.I've found that same situation...not in an office, but even with family. I think that one of the hardest things to handle is a fear that they'll (those who have passed on) be forgotten, especially when it seems others are avoiding even the mention of their names. I've been a widow for eleven years, and just last month lost one of my daughters...that not only was and is a pain that's unimaginable, but it revives every death that's gone before. Very tough at times, but I'm coping and truly treasure the memories.Abba
((((Abba))))Oh Abba, I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter! I've lost a spouse, a parent and a sister, but can't imagine the pain of losing one's own child.I agree that a new loss revives the memory of every death that has gone before. The loss of my mother last year has revived a lot of the sorrow I had in losing my husband.It does seem at times that others WANT us to just forget those that are gone before. Very sad, isn't it. I suppose it is part and parcel of a modern culture that doesn't seem to respect and learn much from the past, but instead to focus on the new, the young and famous, and the here-and-now.LOL, starting to sound like a grumpy old lady there....RDW
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