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For reasons I never even thought twice about, I had already pre-decided that if I was ever to start seeing somebody again, they would most likely be a widow. I guess I assumed that would put us on a level playing field. Perhaps that is not the case. And then of course there is always the nagging question with divorced women of "what went wrong, and whose fault was it?"

I know what you mean. I've just started dating again (after a four-year relationship ended) and I've been using I, too, couldn't see myself with someone divorced, for the same reason you mentioned. And I had left "widowed" out of my preferences because I ignorantly assumed that I wouldn't want to date someone "old enough" to be widowed.

After I met this man (before I thought he would possibly ever be interested in me) I had to go back to my profile and change EVERYTHING. I never thought I would have so much in common with a widowed man over ten years older than me. It really blew apart a ot of my preconceived notions of what was involved with love.

Sometimes I feel sort of sad, that I couldn't meet someone like him who hasn't gone through the pain and grief of losing a wife. But then I realized that so much of who he is today was shaped by the last twenty years he spent with her, and I felt profoundly grateful to her.

It sounds corny, but after he left my house the other night, I stood there in my living room talking to her out loud, thanking her for loving him and promising her that whatever happened I would treat him well.

Sorry, I'm babbling on. It is interesting and strange that there is so little information available on this topic.


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