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...might be worthy of a print. Original author unknown.

What My Mother Taught Me:

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're going to
kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"

My mother taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that will come out of the

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't straighten up, I'm
going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My mother taught me LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why."

My mother taught me FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in
case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me IRONY - "Keep laughing and I'll
*give* you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS -
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM -"Will you *look* at the dirt on
the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA - "You'll sit there 'til all that
spinach is finished."

My mother taught me about WEATHER - "It looks as if a tornado swept
through your room."

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS - "If I yelled because
I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?"

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY - "If I've told you once, I've told
you a million times - Don't exaggerate!!!"

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE -"I brought you into this world,
and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION - "Stop acting like your

My mother taught me about ENVY - "There are millions of less fortunate
children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

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