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TP Newswire --- 10:13am ET 4/24/2000


In an unprecendented move Janet Reno and the DOJ have raided the home of Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates and snatched him from his home.

Images of the event were recorded by the billionaires home security system and were released to the media. With guns out, agents opened Mr. Gates closet and pointed a gun at the head of Steve Ballmer who was holding Mr. Gates in his arms.

"They snatched him like a child. Those bastards!", an emotionally charged Ballmer said after the incident.

The DOJ responded, "This was the quickest way we could bring the impasse between Microsoft and the DOJ to a close. Mr. Gates will be returned when Microsoft voluntarily breaks themselves up into three companies."

A spokesman said the DOJ obtained a search warrant but had no comment when asked why they acted without a courts permission requesting Gates to be taken from his home.

Microsoft employees were seen teary eyed as they watched the video, but a few high level executives, including Scott McNealy and Larry Ellison were seen smiling as a very frightened Gates was carried into a white Dodge Caravan.

Unsubstantiated reports have said that Gates mocked his captors for driving such a "cheap" vehicle and told them they could each have black Lincoln Navigators if they let him go and $100K worth of stock options. Two agents accepted the offer, but the female driver didn't. She insisted Bill Gates have sex with her, but Bill Gates appeared uninterested in her demands. Puportedly, the driver was Janet Reno herself.

More to come as the story develops.
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