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TOP 31 THINGS THAT YOU WILL NEVER HEAR SAID up norte / down south:

31. When I retire, I'll stay up north.

30. She's only sixteen, I'd have to go to Europe if I'm caught.

29. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Jeff.

28. Duct tape won't fix ducts.

27. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.

26. We don't keep firearms in this house. That's what police are for.

25. You can't feed that to the dog.

24. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.

23. Wrestling is fake.

22. We're vegetarians.

21. Do you think my butt is too big?

20. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits
and gravy..

19. Honey, we don't need another cat.

18. Who gives a damn why they fought the Civil War?

17. Give me the small order of eggs benedict.

16. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.

15. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

14. Trim the fat off that steak.

13. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

12. The tires on that truck are too big.

11. I've got it all on the C: DRIVE.

10. Unsweetened tea tastes better.

9. My son's fiance is registered at Tiffany's.

8. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

7. Watch this.

6. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.

5. Hey, here's an episode of "PBS" that we haven't seen.

4. I don't have a favorite college team.

3. You Guys.

2. Those shorts could be a little shorter young lady.

AND THE NUMBER ONE THING THAT YOU'll HEAR SAID:

1. Nope, no more beer for me. I'm driving a whole busload
of us down to re-elect OBAMA.
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