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There's a Zug-shaped hole in my world today.

We thought we had a few days, a few more hours of sitting in the backyard with him. A few more precious minutes.

But it was time. He didn't want to eat anything; we were back to syringe-feeding. He wasn't able to wash. Face first in the water bowl, or staggering and wobbling sideways when he tried to move. They removed 850 mls of fluid from his abdomen yesterday, but it was basically full again by this morning. He was happier outside, but it wasn't much, and it wasn't enough.

He hid his head in my armpit as I carried him into the clinic. and we sat on the floor, till he staggered off my lap, and DH scooped him up and started to cry too.

He went, with his head resting in my hands, and DH stroking him. He went with all our love, and I don't doubt for a second that it was the right thing to do, and the right time to do it, but damnit damnit damnit damnit.

There's a hole in my world. in my heart. He was a cat-of-a-lifetime.

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