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Hee hee, most maybe, but not ALL.

Yep. Not all.

I dated a single mother of a 14 year old boy once. During the relationship, she told me how she could never ever ever have "that talk" with her son. It was just not going to happen. She had gotten pregnant at 16 herself, but was just not able to arm her son with the tool he needed to prevent the same thing from happening. So I...being the supercool guy that I am...offered to do it for her. She said she would love that.

(Now let me take a moment diffuse the whole lecherous old man vibe by saying that I had met the kid several times. I had taken them both to movies, dinners, and the kid and I had played many many games of playstation2 together. In other words, he already knew me and was comfortable being around me.)

So I took the kid to the movies one night while his mom was working. Then after the movie, we went to hooters for some wings and quality male bonding time.

(this would also be a good time to point out that I am not a believer in the "teach your kids abstinence" plan. Kids are going to do it. At least most of them are. So why take chances?)

Me: you have a girlfriend?

Him: oh.. a know how it is.

Me: Yeah, do i ever. You getting any action?

Him: (totally unphased) Well, I have done a little...but not all the way yet.

Me: Cool.

Him: Yeah.

Me: You got any rubbers?

Him: No! I tried to get some one time when I was at the store with my mom, but she wouldn't buy them for me. She said I am too young to worry about that. Plus, I hear they don't feel good.

Me: Aww man. Rubbers are da bomb (kid slang for kcufing great)! They really make it feel better. They make you last longer. Plus you don't have to worry about knocking up some chick you really don't like that much anyway.

Him: Yeah. I that would suck.

Me: Hell yeah it would. And don't believe them when they say they are on the pill either. And there are diseases too. So just be careful.

Him: I will. I just get so embarassed when I try to go buy some. I don't want to take them up to the counter.

Me: Yeah, that can be tough. So you gonna play football next year......

When we got back to his mother's house, I gave him a 24 pack of condoms that I had previously bought. I showed him the proper way to put them on and take them off (get your mind out of the gutter...we used a banana...perverts!). He was VERY interested and attentive. When it was all over, he slapped me on the back and said "thanks man, you're dope!" I told him if he ever needed more, he was to call me and I would hook him up. He called twice over the next year and a half.

Sure, he might have been blowing them up like balloons. Sure he might have been giving them to his friends. Either way, there were more condoms out there in circulation...and I don't see that as a bad thing.

ROTJob - corruptor of the youth

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