Message Font: Serif | Sans-Serif
No. of Recommendations: 1
Hello Tigerland,

Your questions are as much about "divorce situations" as they are about single-parenting, so you might want to check out the
"Divorce-All about it" board

And now a few suggestions: About how you share the child deductions, that one is usually covered in the marital settlement agreement. There are no hard and fast rules, so you can't say "usually" when deciding what is fair. Some people work things out amicably (my sis's husband and his ex make an annual decision based on which choice saves the most money) but when in doubt you are stuck with whatever you signed (as in my case, ex-wife always gets the tax benefits even though I pay quite substantial support). These things can be negotiated or in worst case taken to court and adjudicated but to first order, you're stuck.

Second item: you also asked about Ex's decision to not inform you of where he is and when. Ok - his choice, it is tough one for you, but take it face value, respect his choice and's the fun part ... let him deal with consequences: It is not your responsibility to track him down. If something (god-forbid!) happens to your son, you can leave a message or call his mom, or whatever, but you're primary responsibility is to your son - care for him and worry about him. Dad can catch up whenever he gets around to contacting you.

BTW: it must totally non-negotiable that he ALWAYS informs you of where he is when the children are in his custody. His privacy does not overrule your right and responsibility to know where your children are at all times.

Last and most importantly: About son going away "every weekend". This is one that you must discuss with his father, but I don't think there is any right answer. Sure, he needs time to play on weekends with his pals, but I don't know that "team sports" is a good enough reason to not see his dad. One thing I've learned is that kids adjust rapidly to any situation, but you can make things worse by offering choices that you can't deliver. He has expressed his preference, he is allowed (but I wouldn't suggest it to him, because it will seem that you are pushing the conflict) to mention his wishes to his dad. However, he is still only 6, so it's not really his choice. Your 16 year old wants to decide on her schedule, fine. But kindergartners have to rely on their parents for good decision and you must both (mom and dad) be consistent in explaining why things are the way they are.

Best wishes,

- Danny
Print the post  


When Life Gives You Lemons
We all have had hardships and made poor decisions. The important thing is how we respond and grow. Read the story of a Fool who started from nothing, and looks to gain everything.
Contact Us
Contact Customer Service and other Fool departments here.
Work for Fools?
Winner of the Washingtonian great places to work, and Glassdoor #1 Company to Work For 2015! Have access to all of TMF's online and email products for FREE, and be paid for your contributions to TMF! Click the link and start your Fool career.