hey Cliff, I know exactly how you feel about Mom, its not a fun job but someone has to do it..Re: find a Retirement Home. Type those words with the state in the search engine and so many will come up you wont know where to begin! Better yet, go/call local hospital and ask a social worker who works with the elderly, if she has any recommendations. Also, call Hospice and if you are real nice, explaining your plight to them, they might suggest where to look. They are not supposed to suggest places, but sometimes they will point you in the right direction!I found a place for my mom that was suggested by a Visiting Nurse. She sees all the Retirement Homes, Nursing Homes etc etc. Also, plan on spending a day at each place. Eating the food, seeing how the staff treats everyone, how clean the residents are etc etcTake a look at their activity calendar, then go to the room where this activity is being held. Is it really being held, or is that just so the facility looks good?Yes, some places have FAKE activity calendars!One place I looked into had FAKE Food Calendar!Each day, of the month looked like Gourmet Magazine! I personally spoke to the chef! Everything seemed Marvelous!Until...the three dinners in a row, that were french fries and grilled cheese! My mom was on a "special low fat diet" that the chef was going to even make "Low Salt" just for her and one other woman. He lied.Be Bold, Assertive and let them know you expect the Best for your mom, Then to test it out, stay a full day. If the place is decent, they wont mind or act like you are in the way.Yes, its tiring and boring, but remember your intention is NOT to dump Mom, but to make sure she is Safe, and eventually content in her new living quarters. ( my specialists tell me that takes Six Months. )One lucky thing would be if your Mom actually had a hospitilization. My mom had eight in one year, so one day instead of taking her "home", I had an ambulance take her to her "new home, prescribed by her physician".Let her doctor be "the bad guy" if he/she is willing to do that.Also, Write this on your heart, "It is for her best". She might never realize that, but that is WHY you have to do it for her, make the BEST decisions, because someone has to do it for her.good luck and before you do all this, Have her tested, by an elder care pychologist to see if she has dementia and to what degree. You will get a much better idea of her health, and how able she really is to take care of herself, drive etc etc.
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