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Author: CatherineCoy Big gold star, 5000 posts Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: of 748966  
Subject: History of the World Date: 5/31/2005 10:54 AM
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2828 can verify this historical timeline.

History began some 12,000 years ago. Humans existed as
members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers.
They lived on deer in the mountains in the summer and
would go to the beach and live on fish and lobster in
winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the
invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The
wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were
the foundation of modern civilization and together were
the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two
distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was
the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle
nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early
human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them
to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery.
That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals
to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This
was the beginning of what is known as "the
Conservative movement."

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting
learned to live off the conservatives by showing up
for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching and
hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal
movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved
into women. The rest became known as 'girleymen.'

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the
invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept
of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat
and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by
the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the
elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added),
but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water.
They eat raw fish but like their beef well done.
Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of
their women have higher testosterone levels than their
men.

Most social workers, personal injury attorneys,
journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists
are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter
rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also
bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and
still provide for their women. Conservatives are
big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks,
construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police
officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes and
generally anyone who works productively outside
government. Conservatives who own companies hire other
conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to
"govern" the producers and decide what to do with the
production. Liberals believe Europeans are more
enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the
liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were
coming to America.

They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a
business of trying to get MORE for nothing.

And here ends today's lesson in world history.
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Author: HamletsMill Big red star, 1000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 236841 of 748966
Subject: Re: History of the World Date: 6/1/2005 1:42 AM
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History began some 12,000 years ago

Liberal rubbish. As any good conservative will tell you, history began exactly on 4004 BC -- to be more precise: "upon the entrance of the night preceding the twenty third day of October..." in the 4004th year before the birth of Christ.

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Author: tutone2828 Big red star, 1000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 236928 of 748966
Subject: Re: History of the World Date: 6/1/2005 1:04 PM
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Conservatives drink domestic beer.

So much for this guy's theories. <g>

tutone

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