2828 can verify this historical timeline.History began some 12,000 years ago. Humans existed asmembers of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers.They lived on deer in the mountains in the summer andwould go to the beach and live on fish and lobster inwinter.The two most important events in all of history were theinvention of beer and the invention of the wheel. Thewheel was invented to get man to the beer. These werethe foundation of modern civilization and together werethe catalyst for the splitting of humanity into twodistinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.Once beer was discovered it required grain and that wasthe beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottlenor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our earlyhuman ancestors were sitting around waiting for themto be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery.That's how villages were formed.Some men spent their days tracking and killing animalsto B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. Thiswas the beginning of what is known as "theConservative movement."Other men who were weaker and less skilled at huntinglearned to live off the conservatives by showing upfor the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching andhair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberalmovement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolvedinto women. The rest became known as 'girleymen.'Some noteworthy liberal achievements include theinvention of group therapy and group hugs and the conceptof Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meatand beer that conservatives provided.Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized bythe largest, most powerful land animal on earth, theelephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added),but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water.They eat raw fish but like their beef well done.Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.Another interesting revolutionary side note: most oftheir women have higher testosterone levels than theirmen.Most social workers, personal injury attorneys,journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapistsare liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitterrule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher alsobat.Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat andstill provide for their women. Conservatives arebig-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks,construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, policeofficers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes andgenerally anyone who works productively outsidegovernment. Conservatives who own companies hire otherconservatives who want to work for a living.Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to"govern" the producers and decide what to do with theproduction. Liberals believe Europeans are moreenlightened than Americans. That is why most of theliberals remained in Europe when conservatives werecoming to America.They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created abusiness of trying to get MORE for nothing.And here ends today's lesson in world history.
History began some 12,000 years agoLiberal rubbish. As any good conservative will tell you, history began exactly on 4004 BC -- to be more precise: "upon the entrance of the night preceding the twenty third day of October..." in the 4004th year before the birth of Christ.
Conservatives drink domestic beer.So much for this guy's theories. <g>tutone
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