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Author: PurpleValentimes Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: of 947  
Subject: I am Date: 9/17/2005 12:56 PM
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so going to get drunk, I am, watch me.
I am, I mean it.
Okay, you got me.
No, I am not.
But I really, really wanna.
I mean it.
Like really really.
I hate this.
Thinking about it sucks.
Wanting it sucks.
Does it ever go away.
Don't even think about answering that.
I get like this every once and a while.
Sucks, don't it?
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Author: jbluebird Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 922 of 947
Subject: Re: I am Date: 9/17/2005 9:11 PM
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PV,

I don't lnow if you're going to any support meetings (AA?) but they sure help. As we learn to live a sober life and get support from others the wanna drink feelings lessen. As gapfan said, we learn from each other and we become happy. When I was newly sober I didn't think it could happen but it truly does. We have to change--the same person will drink again but if we change we learn that we needn't drink. So, hang in there, don't drink, go to a meeting, and life will get better.

JB

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Author: PurpleValentimes Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 923 of 947
Subject: Re: I am Date: 9/18/2005 6:40 AM
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The nice thing about not drinking is the next day, I don't feel like rubbish, I can do stuff and not spend the whole day in bed and I don't have to take several "would knock an elephant out" painkillers.
Its days like this that remind me not to drink, I wonder at the numbder of days I have spent in bed wasted due to a hangover.....

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Author: jbluebird Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 924 of 947
Subject: Re: I am Date: 9/18/2005 8:44 PM
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Nice job not drinking, next time you want to remember how good it feels the next morning when you realize that you didn'y.

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Author: gapfan Three stars, 500 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 925 of 947
Subject: Re: I am Date: 9/19/2005 2:06 PM
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PV, I think I can understand some of your feelings. The AA program taught me (slowly) to live one day at a time. That is hard for an engineer like myself to learn. So much of my life had been "reflecting" and "projecting." Guilt, shame and resentments depend on memories of past events, and of course we must plan for the future. When I got to the point that when I reflected back into the past, my first memories became the "bad" times of drinking rather than the "good" times, that spoiled those thoughts that a "drink" offered any promise. Much of my drinking was "a bid for instant relief" from some emotional or physical pain, often self-imposed expectations and the resulting disappointments. When I learned to modify my behavior, I also learned I could lower that emotional discomfort, which lowered the "need" for that drink. Those habits are hard to break.

I did not want someone to tell me what to do! However, while at AA meetings I found that my "reluctance" or "resistance" was lowered as people spoke of their own experience without suggesting what I needed to do. They "tricked" me into thinking that if I did what they did, I might get similar results, namely a bit of serenity. I slowly realized that I did not have much to lose in trying some things that they did.

In attempting to help another person through sharing of my experience, I realize that I have changed much more than I anticipated that I could, that my goals and values have changed, and I can be less angry at the world and myself than I had been in the past. I think I enjoyed the "victim" role where I blamed things on other people or events. It meant that I did not have to work so much.

I hope that you may find a way which allows those thoughts of drinking to diminish or disappear. If you are seeking "relief" if might help if you can identify what the relief is from and that might lead to digging a bit deeper. I realize I wanted to "feel better" but didn't know why I "felt bad."

Good luck, Gapfan :-)

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Author: PurpleValentimes Big funky green star, 20000 posts Old School Fool Add to my Favorite Fools Ignore this person (you won't see their posts anymore) Number: 929 of 947
Subject: Re: I am Date: 10/6/2005 4:47 PM
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lead to digging a bit deeper. I realize I wanted to "feel better" but didn't know why I "felt bad."

I think I already know what makes me feel bad, thats usually why I drink

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